Paper Trail

On why I'm absolutely a nerd..

2010-04-11T23:38:00.003-05:00

I'm not positive why my last post was dated October 1st, but I changed it to be the actual date I posted it.

Anyway, my Radiology meeting went pretty well last Monday. I found out that it might be better to wait another year to apply. I might try this year anyway, see if I can possibly make it happen but I don't have all the extra courses that are basically not required but helpful in actually getting accepted. And I hear they only accept 18 people so perhaps it IS best to wait and get everything in order prior to applying. At least this way, I'll have more time to show my horse next year as well and be able to get better grades in a few classes I goofed up on the first time around.

I managed to get to an actual bookstore the other night, instead of just stopping at Target. I've been reading Wicked for the past week or so and just finished it last night, so I got the second book in the series, Son of a Witch, and also the third book based on the Cowardly Lion, A Lion Among Men. I also have Julia & Julia to read, which I managed to already misplace. And I got The Vampire Diaries, the one not based off of the television series. Needless to say, I've got quite a few things to read. Maybe it'll keep me away from Twilight and Harry Potter for the time being.

I'm also super pumped for the return of Glee. I absolutely fell in love with the series last year and am looking forward to seeing what happens next. I can't wait until they do the Madonna songs, I saw the pre-order album on iTunes and it'll be fantastic to see the cast perform those.

Springtime seems to have finally sprung in Chicago-land as well, which definitely makes everything better. How was your weekend?

Dusting off my corner of the Internets..

2010-04-05T00:22:00.000-05:00

Hellloooo Blogland! (hopefully I'm not hearing crickets over here as I dust of my lonely corner of the Blogosphere)

I've been thinking of picking this up again, though I don't know how much I'll be blogging. As the mood strikes I suppose.

So today I ended up going to Chicago with a few friends, for the weekly poetry slam held at the Green Mill. It was pretty intense, there were a lot of great poets that performed. If you are a Chicagoan, you should definitely check it out. Afterward, we got drinks and dinner at a nearby bar & grill. Well, I got a sandwich, my friend got tater tots, and the other friend just drank and ate popcorn. They had some pretty interesting things on the menu, including a Tater Tot pizza. I ended up choosing the PB & A, which was peanut butter, bacon, and apples on a toasted bread. I've got to say, it was DEFINITELY interesting. Very good, though the peanut butter overpowered the others. I think it would have been better with more bacon, but then again I also do love my bacon.

Anyways, it's off to bed for me. I've got work tomorrow, followed by a Radiology meeting at school, followed by horseback riding. So a long-ish day, though nothing happens until noon. Hopefully I'll be able to find out about whether or not I can take my Anatomy & Physiology class until the fall, even though applications for the radiology program are due the month of November. It's my very last pre-requisite though, so I'm crossing my fingers.

Happy Easter, bloggers!

A Letter to Google

2009-09-28T21:20:00.002-05:00

Dear Google,

Thank you for making it nearly impossible to have to come to Blogger for anything besides typing my thoughts and posting things.

Maybe it's my own laziness, but it's super nice to be able to catch up on what my favorite bloggers have been up to without truly leaving my iGoogle page. I can have my to-do lists, my barely used Twitter, and some random and inspirational quotes all on one page. You even provide me with a search engine to boot! Plus, if I were inclined to, I could check my Yahoo! mail on you as well.

However, you make it damn near impossible to want to go to Blogger for anything else. I can't make comments to my favorite posts from my Reader (unless I just haven't figured out how to) and I can't make a post from there. Most of what I wrote before came about because I had to come here to read my favorite people and saw how neglectful I really was to my blog.

You, dear Google, have made me a very neglectful Blogger. I know I shouldn't blame this on you, but had you not made an easy to use interface and a trustful Reader, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Sincerely,
Kate

Learning to Let Go

2009-08-20T22:39:00.003-05:00

I've been looking up quotes lately, mostly for Facebook status updates and such. I came across this one and it made me think (scary, I know).

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?
-- Mary Manin Morrissey

This quote got me thinking. How many times do I hold on to one thing after it happens? Some customer yells at me (which reminds me, a retail rant post is coming soon), I talk about it for days. A friend makes a mistake, I let it fester until I burst and have to say something. How long can I go on about a friend who made the ultimate mistake - said some horrible and awful things about me and what she said got back to me. I think with me, I don't let go of things easily enough. I let it become a bigger issue, when if I just say what needs to be said, I can get over it and move on.

I guess it's just about figuring when it's best to just let it GO (to an extent- there are things I feel that should be held on to, like morals and values and if someone really did something completely nasty. Forgiveness is a gift, but only if the party is deserving). I think letting go is important in moving on but unfortunately it's hard to let go without closure.

Two years ago, I had a very close friend who said some awful things about the clothes I were and just my general appearance. I had some pretty big self confidence issues growing up, and at that point in time was a complete tomboy. Hoodies, a tee, and jeans? Yes, please! What bothered me about this was that she couldn't say it to my face. Instead she opted to say it behind my back, to a mutual "friend" (read: frienemy) who later told me. I confronted her about it, she said she wasn't the only one saying it. Long story short, we had a falling out over this. I had a hard time getting past this, I remember, mostly because I couldn't totally get my opinion out.

Later that year, I ended up running into above friend at a concert. We had some words, I said what needed to be said. I don't know if I could have let it go without that closure. Now we see each other from time to time, and while we are not close friends, we can catch up and at the very least reminisce about the old days.

Which begs the question, when is it best to just let something go and when is it okay to make a big deal of it?

just an update

2009-08-12T00:44:00.002-05:00

I have much to update every one on, so here we go...

My grandmother's surgery was yesterday. My uncle has been e-mailing the family regarding her progress. The surgery itself lasted six hours and has been successful. We won't know how extensive it is until the next few days, but my parents and sister will be headed down to visit tomorrow. I am sending a card with them to let her know I'm thinking of her. I'm not sure how long they'll be gone, but they're going to help my uncle and aunt with the visitation and care. She was moved from the ICU to a regular room and has been asking to be taken on walks and wants to go quite frequently. It's safe to say she's doing well, but only time will tell how far the cancer has progressed. Thank you Lilu and For the Love of Pictures for keeping her in your prayers! :)

I ended up going to dinner tonight with a few of my friends from the barn I used to board at. One of our friends' birthdays was today, so it was nice to go out and celebrate with them. She chose Hooters, which I actually haven't been to very often. I ate a grilled chicken salad, which turned out to be very good. It was a fun evening, we talked about horses and burns, and there were many "that's what she said" moments. After dinner, I ran over to Border's because it was right across the street. I haven't been book-shopping in awhile, so I was like a kid in a candy store. The real reason I went was because I had wanted to read The Time Traveler's Wife. I also picked out an F My Life (I absolutely love that site) and a book entitled Waiter Rant. I'm excited to read all of them. I really want to see The Time Traveler's Wife, which is why I picked the book up in the first place.

We also went to see Brad Paisley last Friday night. The concert was an absolute blast, all three of the performers were amazing. Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley opened the show. I've seen Brad but neither of the two openers, so it was fun watching them perform. Luckily, by the time the show began, the rain had stopped which was great. Afterward, we went out to Denny's and got to wait an hour for food. The Denny's we go to isn't very great when it's busy. They tend to forget things and burn poached eggs which is pretty damn near impossible.

I also am picking up a few extra shifts at work for good I hope. The downside is that it means I'll probably be working 6 days a week as well as having a 10 or 11 hour day once a week. I'll get paid what I do for pharmacy even though I'll be a cashier so it's all okay.

I believe that's it for tonight. I hope everyone is having a good week!

Say A Little Prayer..

2009-08-07T00:26:00.002-05:00

Last week some time we found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer of the duodenum, which is, according to WebMd and the pharmacist at work, the beginning part of the small intestine.

She has been going through tests and things because I guess her hemoglobin has been low lately. She was finally diagnosed as having cancer earlier this week.

We still are not sure how serious it is, or how far along it is. But apparently she's having surgery on Monday to remove the tumor and I suppose from there we'll see how much it's affected every where else and whether they've caught it early enough.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm sad, yes, because I know that "C" word is one you don't want to hear at any point in your life time. I think I'm in shock still, to be honest. I'm obviously hoping it hasn't spread yet. The one good thing (if anything is, this is it) about this is knowing friends and a stepfather of a friend who have been through some sort of cancer and have turned out okay.

At any rate, please keep my grandma in your prayers. Thank you :)

They Say Time Flies When You're Having Fun, But...

2009-08-05T01:24:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it's already August. What happened to summer?? (Though I suppose since I'm taking a semester off, my summer just kind of keeps going all the way until January.)

More importantly, where does the time go? It seems like one minute you're dealing with something that causes so much pain that you're starting a blog to get it all out (like I did, last August), and the next it's already one year later and you're looking back as to when you started it. And it's funny now, because maybe it's not as big as it used to be. That hurt feeling isn't there anymore, and while I still wonder where that girl who wanted something so badly and fell flat on her face has gone, it makes me appreciate the fact that time heals everything.

A year ago, I thought I had a pretty good plan. I was talking to a guy, and although it was a long distance "relationship" (at the very least, it was complicated), there was a plan being set in motion. We would meet, and if things worked to plan, there would be moving of some sort somewhere. While I'm actually glad it didn't pan out (despite the horrible things that were said to me in the process) it did make me realize there is so much good still here for me.

And, it's fortunate that time heals everything. While there's still parts of me that misses that, the feeling of having a guy be interested in me for some point of time was fun, and though it didn't last, it makes me realize I'm not totally unlikable.

But, in any case, thank God for time. It's way too short to worry about certain things!

Back from Wordpress. For the time being..

2009-07-31T17:57:00.003-05:00

Hello all!

I know I've moved, but sadly I misplaced my log in info for Wordpress, so for the time being, I'm back here for the day. Which honestly, doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. I hadn't fully figured out WP, though I haven't really given it enough of a chance either. And it was depressing looking at the page view stats. I'd rather not know no one is reading than know that they aren't.

Anyway, the past few weeks at a glance:

* I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I loved it, I'll admit it's probably the best so far. What's annoying though is that there were parts of the book that should have made it into the movie because it makes sense in the later books. All in all I thought it was well done.

* I questioned how someone can take a kitten and dump it on the side of the road. I rescued a kitten on the way home from the barn one day. We had it for a few days, and while I didn't expect it to survive the night, it actually brightened a lot and took to following me around the first floor of the house. It had a fractured hind leg, and when I took it to the vet a few days after I picked it up, it ended up having some paralysis problems as far as bladder and other internal organs go. So really, my only option was to put it to sleep. It just makes me wonder how people can do that to animals.

* We ended up trading my old horse to someone in Indiana, and picked up a 4 year old gelding (read: neutered male) as a result. He's super cute, and is way more talented than the mare I had before. I'm looking forward to working with him and showing him in later months. I know my main point is to totally sell, but I figure while the economy is as bad as it is, it's really better just to hang on to him. That's him hanging out on the side there.

* I've been going out a little bit more too. It's been mostly with some coworkers of mine, but I'm really happy about it. The people I work with are extremely fun, and while we range in age, it's still very much a blast. Actually, we plan on heading out tomorrow, which makes me extremely happy!

Anyway, so that's what I've been up to for the past few weeks. Have a good weekend!!

Blog Relocation

2009-07-05T23:49:00.002-05:00

Soon you will all be able to read me from a different place. I hope.

I'm trying to iron out the kinks but am considering a move over to Wordpress. I've been exploring moving there for awhile now but haven't had time to do so, until today. After importing all my blog posts over, the only thing left is to figure out how to subscribe to blogs, but I'll be keeping my Blogger account because I'm having difficulty doing so. And since I don't always use g-mail, it just seems easier to keep both so that way I can log into Blogger to read my favorite blogs.

You can find my new blog here: http://mypapertrail84.wordpress.com. Just excuse the dust as I try to figure it all out :).

4th of July (ie the most unimaginative blog title ever)

2009-07-04T15:33:00.002-05:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Currently I am waiting for some friends to get here to finish helping me get everything ready for the party I was throwing tonight. Unfortunately, only about 7 can make it total (so far) but it will be nice to have people over. However, it's been a whirlwind cleaning spree, since I was supposed to start that yesterday but ended up going into work at 1 instead of 4. Which is still a bonus, considering it means extra hours for my paycheck on Thursday!

So I've been trading off cleaning and watching movies. The backyard is technically useless now anyway, because it's been raining since early this morning. Also good because the lawn mower is currently useless too, and since my dad isn't home to fix it, I have no way of mowing the lawn.

This may be the least prepared I've ever been for a party.

On a side note, everything is getting watered because of this rain, which is a bonus.

Anyway, since most of my cleaning is done, the last 20 minutes have been extremely productive. I set up coolers for water and pop, which are now inside thanks to this *awesome* weather. I also made a salad (by "made" I mean I put a bag of already-made salad and added cheese and garlic croutons) and this awesome fruit dip, which consists of marshmallow fluff and cream cheese. I also bought some cute tiki torch things for the backyard for some more light, but it looks like they won't be necessary today.

Hope you all enjoy your holiday!

Weekend Update

2009-06-29T02:27:00.002-05:00

This weekend's update is going to be slightly jam-packed, which is good because it means I was busy. Also, it means I actually did more than just run around and do errands. Thirdly, I had an array of cute outfits to wear this weekend, with options to spare, which really makes me happy. I had another point, but I forget what that was. Anyway, on with the show..

Friday was pretty normal, between going to ride in the morning and having work in the evening. After work, however, we went to a bar and grill to attend a goodbye party for one of the managers who was transferred to another store. The bar was a lot of fun, I had 5 amaretto stone sours and drank my weight in water, but the company was great. It's definitely nice to see how different people are once they're out of uniform and in a bar. We closed down the bar at 2 in the morning and then went to one of the most disgusting bathrooms I've been to in my entire life and ate McDonald's at 3 am. Definitely a great night!

Saturday was pretty much the same, though I slept til noon and was feeling a bit hungover. I ended up going to a graduation party last minute, which was pretty great. I got to see some people I haven't seen in forever. I ate dinner there and hung out until I had to go pick up a friend. We played some Rock Band that night, which was okay.

Sunday I woke up super early and headed to my friend's house to go to Chicago for the day. We went to the Pride parade which was fun. I ended up getting about 15 strands of beads from the parade, which was funny in its own right, because the boys kept asking me how I did that. I also, sadly, got a water bottle chucked at me which hit me right in the chest. And a water bottle, though it was a small one, thrown from a float with speed tends to hurt. The guy who threw it and the guy next to me both asked if I was okay, and gave me the bottle. It was interesting.

I also kept saying that Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear (one of my favorite shows) would probably have had a heart attack in seeing what some people were wearing. After the parade, we went to a friend's apartment to hang out, eat, and sleep before going out for the evening. By the time we actually went out, we were all exhausted so it was an early evening (well, if you consider getting home at 2 am early). We drank some Peach Bombs (well, it was Bacardi Peach with Red Bull) which were amazing. Also, we pregamed with Apple Pie shots (everclear, apple juice, apple cider, and cinnamon) and some really delicious wine that they picked up in Oklahoma City a few weekends back.

All in all, it was a successful weekend I think. I may need a few more days to recover though!

Home again...

2009-06-10T23:10:00.004-05:00

So I'm finally back. With some great photos, great memories, and a few bruised ribs (don't ask).

I guess everything can't be perfect, ha.

And I really want to go back on vacation. Returning to work today was definitely not very fun, but so it goes....

We got to explore OKC on the last day, which was very pretty.

St Louis from the truck..

The End of the Countdown

2009-05-29T17:44:00.006-05:00

So I'm off to Oklahoma City for the week. Well, as of Sunday, but I'll be computer-less until then anyways, so I'll be on a brief hiatus as far as posting goes. In lieu of an actual post today, I'm going to show off more pictures. Have a good week everyone!

Part of my NYC 2002 group of photos. It's a weird angle but I actually really liked how it turned out.

Hawaii, Spring '01. Okay, this came out a little dark, but it's a cool sunset pic.

Also Hawaii, Spring of 2001. It's not of the best quality, mostly because it's actually a picture of a picture taken on a crappy pre-Digital camera. The real version reminds me of a Wish You Were Here postcard, though..

My To-Do List

2009-05-26T21:31:00.002-05:00

Because I lose everything, I decided it may be a solid plan to put my to-do list up here so I don't have a chance of losing it. And I actually check my blog a few times a day, even though I don't post often anyway. I don't really know why I'm trying to argue my position on this, seeing as it's my blog... Anyways.. So here is all the crap I have to get done by Thursday or Friday morning, because I don't plan on being home after Friday around 4.

1. Finish tax form & mail it out by Saturday.
2. Do a shitload of laundry. (There's stuff in the basement I haven't worn in years, so I figure I may just do a mass wash and take care of it now too. Plus there's money involved.)
3. Sort laundry - for vacation, stuff that just needs a home in my room, and to give away.
4. Make sure I have everything necessary for the horse show: Show clothes, hats, etc.
5. PACK. I need enough jeans, shirts, underwear, and socks to last me 12 days, including: stuff to potentially sweat in since it's going to be 90 degrees in Oklahoma, as well as stuff to get dressed up in since we'll be going out for birthday dinner (though my birthday isn't actually until the 9th) as well as just OUT for my birthday.
6. Find & pack my toiletries, like shampoo and conditioner for 12 days, plus toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, and my apricot acne wash (this stuff is amazing).
7. Put everything that's coming with me in my car by Friday around 4.

So there's my list of shit to do. I'm exhausted already just thinking about it but I'm excited all the same. Tomorrow is my last day of work for 12 days, so I'm technically 7 hours away from vacation time!

An Early Weekend Update

2009-05-24T23:00:00.000-05:00

This weekend has already been slightly hectic, if you don't count Sunday as part of it. Which is to say, Friday and Saturday were hectic but today I slept until noon and spent the day watching an America's Next Top Model marathon and doing random computer things. I haven't even touched much of the laundry that needs to be done by Thursday, or my stupid tax thing from 2008 (the deal with that is I got a letter regarding something that didn't end up on my taxes last year, because I hadn't received a 1099 for it. So now, if I don't do the paperwork, I owe the government over 500 dollars.)

So, onto my lovely weekend.

Friday was insanely busy, what with the horse show I was competing in on Saturday. The show is just a warm-up show for next week, when I'm competing against the big guys. Basically, it's just a chance for me to get my horse into the show pen and fix the stuff that will prevent me from doing well next week, if that clarifies anything. It's a bit confusing, I suppose. Anyway, so Friday I went to the barn solely to spend money, since we ended up going to the tack store and I spent a lot of money for some show stuff. Which actually, is becoming my birthday present which means I'm getting refunded for a lot of it from my parental unit. After the barn, I drove back home to go to work for a few hours. Once work was done, I went back to the barn to ride and further get ready for the show. I spent the night there on Friday since we had to get up super early.

Saturday was even crazier. We woke up at 6:30, got to the show by 8. I did a few classes, one that I've just learned how to do so it was nice to get a chance to show in it before next week. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, a little warm. It ended up being 80 with no rain. No breeze either, which made it a LOT hotter to deal with. I didn't show until 4 pm after that, and ended up getting a first out of 16 horses which was great -- and I ended up making 21 dollars from it. I had to leave there at 5 to go to one of my friend's houses to shower and get ready to go to George Strait.

George Strait ended up being a blast. We got there surprisingly earlier, which is odd because with us, we're really running late. But we arrived about 30 minutes before the show even started so we had time to go to the bathroom and get drinks and find a place to sit since we had lawn. The concert ended up being pretty crowded. Julianne Hough and Blake Shelton opened up for him. Both acts were really good, Julianne can really SING and Blake is always fun to watch. He ended up singing that song from the Free Credit Report commercials which was hilarious. George was good, he only sang for an hour and 15 minutes but it was fun watching everyone dance to it. The older ladies a few people in front of us kept roping in the younger guys which was funny.

After George performed, we had heard that Julianne would be signing autographs at the concert. We ended up being the last few people in line and waited about a half hour. I never realized how short she is (she's my height) and she was really cool, super nice and everything. I'm pretty sure my friends all nearly wet their pants. And I'm pretty sure all I said was "my name is Kate." Couldn't think of anything good to say, lol. So we got autographs and a picture with her. From now on, I really need to remember my camera because everytime something like this happens, I don't have it with me.

Julianne Hough & I. It's not great quality
because it was taken on a camera phone..

Afterward, we stopped at the bathroom and then walked back to the truck, which was a lot easier to find since the parking lot was nearly totally empty. On the way out, we hear, "Goodbye C!" and we turn to see no other but Julianne in her car being driven out of the parking lot. (C, by the way, is one of my friends.) We all just about die, and yell good night in response. Definitely a great end to an amazing night.

After the concert, we headed to B-dub's (Buffalo Wild Wings) for some food after the concert, where I found out that eating boneless wings, even if they're only Parmesan Garlic, is not good with chapped lips. (Sad!) It's really hard ending a story involving meeting a celebrity, by the way. Because everything now seems so lame!

Anyways, it may be awhile - I have a busy week ahead of me and will be trying to get laundry done, the tax thing done, and have everything packed and ready by Thursday some time. So I will try to post again, but if not I'll be back June 9th (which also happens to be my birthday) with more tales of amazingness. We officially leave almost exactly 6 days from now, at 3 am or something equally ridiculously early in the morning. Now, it's time to get back to Hitch..

The One With Keith Urban

2009-05-17T01:45:00.007-05:00

So Keith Urban definitely was AH MAZING!! Still one of the best performers I've gotten to see live, because the concert was definitely two hours long. It's kind of nice waking up in the morning feeling sore from dancing too much. Better than being bored, I'd say! So, in honor of my second favorite male celebrity, here's a few pictures from the concert.

I'd like to point out that this guy left the stage, walked THROUGH the crowd, in order to end up on a box about 75 feet away. It's good being the 15th row sometimes, even if it's not on the floor!

Mmm.. lol. I love the lighting on this

This was when we were "15th row" from the box. Ahh!

Gotta love those big screens. I kinda really like this though..

So there you go. I won't bore you too much, especially if you're not a country fan. But I DID finally upload more of my shots from other places, plus some new horse stuff, so look forward to that if you please. And now, a bullet list of how my night went yesterday.

Spent quite a bit of time freaking out over going to Keith Urban, which you all saw from yesterday's post. I didn't actually think I was going to go, but thanks to a shift switch and me not actually saying I couldn't, the ticket was still mine.
The hilarious-ness of hanging out with people I don't get to see very often anymore. They make me laugh a lot, which is definitely a respectable thing to be able to do.
The guy digging for gold in the car next to us. I kid you not, it was snot-tastic!
The snarky comments between all of us. Multiple "burns" and jokes. I wish I could remember them all. (there were a lot of "that's what she said!")
Watching Keith perform for the 4th time. He seriously deserves Entertainer of the Year, his shows are long and FUN.
Waiting by the fence at the end of the concert for a Keith Urban sighting, only to be shoo'd away by the coppers. boo!
Denny's afterwards. It's a tradition of sorts, but instead of my normal Grand Slam, I opted for the Grand Slamwich, which is basically the same thing. Basically ham, sausage, egg, and cheese all sandwiched in between potato bread (which is kinda like hash browns, only in bread form). Excellent!
Finally going to bed at 3, only to wake up at 8:45. Such a worthy loss of sleep!

Have a Happy Sunday everyone!

* Insert Squeals Here*

2009-05-15T16:34:00.003-05:00

Just a quick post before I finish making myself all cute for tonight (not like I need to do all that much*, but you know).

I'M GOING TO SEE KEITH URBAN TONIGHT!

Whoops, sorry for yelling, but I wasn't totally sure if I could go and now I am. And if you all thought I enjoyed Zachary Quinto as much as I do, my celeb crush on Keith is so much better (or worse, if you will). Actually, now that I typed that, I'm realizing Keith is now number two. Sorry, dude!

But still, Keith is one of the most amazing country performers on this planet so I'm super excited to go see him..

Of course, it means instead of my nice little 4-hour shift I had tonight is now being replaced by an 8-hour shift tomorrow, but you know what... Not sure if you know this, but more hours = more moneyz so it's a welcome trade off.

9 in the morning, however, is probably going to come far too early.

So Happy Friday everyone! Hopefully I'll remember my camera and get some bangin'** Keith Urban pictures.

* By this, I'm totally joking, I totally need to do more. Currently only my hair is done and my jeans are on. I'm so lazy.. and excited.
** I'm really not sure why I felt the need to type "bangin'" in my post. I don't use that word often. Actually, I take that back. It's kind of fun.

Why Moms Rock

2009-05-15T00:47:00.001-05:00

Yes, this may be considered a late Mother's Day appreciation post but hey, it's here.

Delayed, yes. Just as meaningful? That's also a yes.

In the past few years, my mom has been super helpful with things, monetary and otherwise. She's been supportive in absolutely everything, from my decision to not continue my education until next Spring, and not charging me rent even though I should be long gone by now.

Also, she's been funding my build some better teeth stuff - because I didn't do a hot job of taking care of my teeth when I was younger. I just found out she paid the entire bill. From what she told me, she wants me to be successful in life and appearance speaks loudly to some.

She also is attending my horse show in Oklahoma early next month. Seriously? She's coming for 2 or 3 days, and excitingly is footing the bill for my new show shirt (which is my birthday present).

Something tells me this post is making me sound spoiled, but for real... I don't ask for much. I buy my own clothes, put gas in the car, and buy my own groceries.

Anyways, I'm super thankful to have the mom that I do have. I don't think I would be the same person I am without her.

A Rant... sigh

2009-05-10T00:36:00.005-05:00

I'm kind of disappointed.

I just finished watching the America's Next Top Model finale (yes I'm a nerd, and yes I'll admit that I'm sort of addicted to this show). I totally disagreed with who won, because it seemed like in the final challenge, the runway show, Allison totally had the best walk and looked the best.

I was rooting for Fo for awhile because her personality is amazing but once she got the boot, I was rooting for Allison.

By the way, I realize it's absolutely pointless to rant about this sort of thing because I can't change it, but still.

Anyways, I'm finally done with my theater class for the semester. I managed to get an 88 on my last test, which is great. We didn't have a cumulative final, which was great. My only downfall is that I didn't totally complete all the assignments (there's that I just don't care stuff) so while I could have had a better grade, I just didn't try hard enough. But all in all, it means summer vacation is finally here!

And there's only 14 days left until my vacation. Fun and horse showing in the Oklahoma sun is just around the corner! Happy Thursday* everyone!

* So the first time I typed this, I had put Happy Friday on here. I'm apparently forgetting Thursday altogether in my excitement to leave I guess...

Friday Five

2009-05-08T00:15:00.001-05:00

Something a little different. These questions came from Friday5.org, so participate if you'd like!

1. What’s your favorite card game?
I'd have to say my favorite card game is Egyptian Ratscrew or Circle of Death. Although Spoons is fun too... There are probably way too many that I like. Both Spoons and Egyptian Ratscrew get very physical depending on who you play with. And Circle of Death is definitely a great drinking card game!

2. What’s your favorite roll-the-dice-and-move game?
I'm a Monopoly girl myself. The only downside is the games can be marathons, like the game we played the year I was in 7th grade. We had a family party and the game lasted three days. I ultimately won that one!

3. What’s your favorite playground game?
Dodgeball!! I hated that game as a junior high student in gym, because let's face it, the worst thing about being young, out of shape, and a nerd was having balls chucked at you. But now I wish there were a way to play again.

4. What’s your favorite party game?
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Rock Band as a party game too. Hello technology! Either that or beer pong or flippy cup for the drinking parties. (is it sad that two of my favorite games involve drinking?)

5. What’s your favorite computer game?
I'm going to sound like a huge nerd for saying this, but let's embrace that fact. I play an online RPG of sorts called Pirates of the Caribbean online. It's probably one of the best computer games I've played but mostly because of the people I've met on the game. It's allowed me to talk to people around the country (much like this blog does) and develop a camaraderie with them. The other game I used to play was Roller Coaster Tycoon but that since got deleted from my computer since it stopped working. :(

Why I Think Time Moves Too Fast

2009-05-07T14:10:00.000-05:00

Well, now that I'm officially back to normal after that Quinto-obsession of yesterday.. I made a startling discovery.

Months ago we began making plans to go to Oklahoma City the first week of June. And by months ago, I mean back in February at the horse show we went to.

I just realized it's May. Not only that, but also that it's the 7th already.

We leave on the 28th. Which is 21 days away. 3 weeks to get everything ready, the horses ready, and to be on the road. 3 weeks from now, probably at this exact time, I'm gonna be cramped in a diesel truck hauling ass down the highway, because OKC is a 16 hour drive. Fuck.

I'm so ready for a vacation, but it's coming on a bit too fast. I've got massive loads of laundry to do, assignments to finish (which basically comes down to a test and a bunch of questions to answer), and a George Strait concert to party up at.

Life moves way too fast sometimes..

The One Where I Act Like an Obsessed Fan....

2009-05-06T14:22:00.005-05:00

I think I am more or less loving the guy who plays Sylar on Heroes.

Because here I am watching the Bonnie Hunt Show. I'm not huge fan of Bonnie Hunt but I'm watching because of Zachary Quinto. And because I'm home today til 4 because I feel like crap. Which is beside the point.

And my space bar is broken. Today's just getting better by the minute.

Anyway, anybody who can pull off a Gilligan's Island-esque outfit and STILL look smokin' hot? Definitely okay in my book!

Also, is it sad that I want to see Star Trek, not because I ever was a fan but because seeing Quinto as Spock is insanely awesome?

Sigh.

In other unrelated news, I found 11 dollars in an old pair of jeans while cleaning out my trunk. Score!

Appreciating the Little Things

2009-05-03T20:26:00.002-05:00

Based off my last post, it seems that I've forgotten the little things in life.

The kind of thing you do while you're growing up, that you don't necessarily continue doing once you get a job, go to college, and are tossed into the real world. The real world sucks so much out of you sometimes though so it's nice to get back to the little things from time to time. A refreshing dose of how SIMPLE life was when your biggest worry was enduring puberty in junior high.

So today when I got home I decided to take a bike ride, which wasn't a decision totally made with being nostalgic, but just seemed like a good way to enjoy the nice weather. It's been a few years since I've set foot on a bike, and generally the problem I tend to have is getting so far away from home that when it's time to turn around I just don't feel like bicycling any more. Anyway, it was super nice and super relaxing though. Nothing like having a bike, an iPod, and gorgeous weather on my side to influence some cardio.

It reminded me of the old days, when I would have to bike everywhere just to get around. When walking took too long and driving was not an option, seeing as I was between the ages of 8 and 13 when bicycling was the thing to do to get around. I'd go every where, from friends' houses, just biking around the neighborhoods with them, to the store to get some junk food. We even had a bicycle field trip in 8th grade, where we biked around town and learned about the history.

And, as a friend pointed out while I stopped at CVS for a drink, there's no cost in biking. The gas is unlimited, so long as my legs don't give out. And there's nothing better than biking off into the sunset. (sorry, that couldn't be helped)

Added bonus? I only nearly took a spill once. And that was because I forgot to brake before I put my feet down (typed that sounds pathetic!).

A Little Retail Therapy

2009-05-02T19:36:00.004-05:00

Many of my jobs have been retail-orientated. Which means unfortunately the customer is always right (even if they're not) and we are the ones who get stomped upon by someone having a bad day. Since I started working at a grocery store back when I was 17, everything I've done has been consumer-related. Obviously at that age and having no job experience, all I could probably be is a retail employee.

What really bugs me about this is that people are either a. unnecessarily demanding and b. unnecessarily CRAZY when it comes to certain things. Yes, I work in a pharmacy. I am a technician, which apparently means I can either know a lot or little depending on who you're asking. I get that, yes, you may very well be feeling like crap and obviously so, but that doesn't mean you get to be a jerk.

Niceness goes along way in my profession. I'm a lot more willing to help a person out when they're being nice about it. Sad but true. And because we tend to talk to the people handling your claims on the insurance end of it, I can guarantee the nicer the techs are who speak to those handling your claims, the result is having the claim processed faster.

Secondly, if you ask me a question after I've told you the answer, it's not going to change regardless of how you phrase the question. Sir, we need to contact your doctor for a refill isn't going to change even if you ask the question in five different ways. One of the downsides is sometimes having to explain things multiple times, it's unnecessary to repeat something four different times.

Third, we do not control prices of certain medications. I cannot even begin to say how many people have asked me why their medication is as much as it is, it all depends on how much your insurance pays and what for. Because insurance plans vary, it's damn near impossible to tell anybody how much they will pay. So, most of the time, I'm going to tell you to contact your benefits coordinator.

Sadly, it's been a crazy week in the pharmacy life. Which is partially why I haven't posted much in the past few weeks, there isn't a whole lot I want to do right now than complain about a few things. And, as a result of me working 6 days a week in the pharmacy, it becomes even more evident how some people just suck.

Hope you all have a good weekend!

If It Makes You Happy..

2009-04-28T23:52:00.002-05:00

I found this over on Boredom's Bounty and in lieu of recent posts on my part, I decided to play along. I'm not going to tag anybody, but if you do this let me know. So, enjoy :)

First the rules:
1. Mention the person who nominated you

2. List six unimportant things that make you happy

3. Tag six blogs, state the rules & notify them with a teeny comment on their blog

My list:

(1) My horse, Summer. She is probably one of the best investments I've ever made, because having a good ride makes my day.

(2) Hearing my favorite song come on the radio. Well, iPod as well, though obviously it's more frequent with the Pod. I don't sing or dance around anywhere else but in my car.

(3) Going out/seeing my friends. It rarely matters what we do, just the company is great.

(4) Taking pictures, my favorites generally include my friends.

(5) Reading a good book that you just can't put down. It's the ones where you can't help but to turn the page.

(6) Seeing a great movie. There are several I'm excited to see, especially the new Harry Potter flick and of course New Moon (I'm currently getting my Robert Pattinson fix by watching the Goblet of Fire. Sad, I know..)

Thank you to Boredom's Bounty for this!

Saturday Playlist

2009-04-18T00:34:00.000-05:00

First thing first, before we get to the good stuff (well, I consider it good - I'm not sure what everyone else considers it).

I finally remembered/realized I did in fact sign up for a Twitter at some point. I don't understand it and possibly won't remember to ever update it, but there it is. On the left side. Yep.

And now, for your viewing pleasure... My Top Five Country Drinking Songs for today. (insert cheers? claps? booing?) Also, I seem to have a writer's block so you get a reason for the first one, but not the others.

1. How Am I Doin' - Dierks Bentley
I am in love with this man. No joke! Not only does he have some AMAZING country songs that are quite fun and above all, danceable.. but most can also be great drinking songs. And who doesn't love a great drinking song?

2. Get Drunk & Be Somebody - Toby Keith

3. Last Name - Carrie Underwood

4. Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

5. These are my People - Rodney Atkins

What are your favorite songs to drink to? (Country or otherwise)

The One Where I Stress Myself Out... prematurely

2009-04-15T20:53:00.002-05:00

So I'm kind of bummed.

One of my best friends is thinking of moving.

I think I'm prematurely having an issue dealing with that. We've only known each other for about two years, since he started working at the same store I do. In that time, however, we've spent a boatload of time together. Immeasurable, I know, but it's true. We'd go to Friday night parties together on a weekly basis, saw countless movie premieres together, and drank a lot of alcohol together (just friends - it's definitely not like that for either of us).

I know it won't happen for awhile, but it still makes me incredibly sad. He would be going down to Georgia, which is quite a distance away from here in Illinois. Far enough to where I would see him only once, maybe twice, a year, if I'm lucky. Previous experience though tells me once he's gone, he's gone. Most of the times when people move away it's the same thing. Communicate every once awhile, and eventually you two stop talking. And it's like you fall off the face of the Earth.

And I know I'm giving myself unnecessary stress right now with this. It's sort of how I handle things, I tend to freak out at first but once it settles in I'm okay.

I guess it's better to be prepared though..

Gotta Love Mondays

2009-04-13T13:11:00.003-05:00

I love Monday mornings in the blogosphere. Weekends get kind of lonely around here and it seems like everybody has something new to say on a Monday morning.

Which means that evidently I get to sit around in pajamas, eating ginormous bowls of Golden Grahams and watching some teenagers who make more than I do with their houses that are so much bigger than anything I've really seen. I know, I'm jealous.

Anyway, I've yet again managed to mess up school for this semester which means for the moment I'm just taking one class again. I don't know why I do this to myself, but I do. So now I'm going to get a second job and just work for the next few months. Pointless to waste money on classes I won't attend, so I need to get my spark back somehow. If that makes any sense.

Anyways, happy Monday! (is that even possible? I guess in my case, it is)

Weekend Update

2009-04-12T13:23:00.001-05:00

Hoboy.

Friday night was a blast, I worked until 8 and then met up with L and her boy for dinner at a restaurant in Orland, which is roughly 20-something minutes away. The place we went has amazing baked potato soup and beyond that, everything else I've had there has been good too. I had Tortellini Silvania (I think that was what it was called, I really am not sure), which was sauteed chicken in a tomato basil sauce with spinach and the absolute best garlic bread I've ever had. Mine, of course, was sans spinach. But it was absolutely delicious. I also had a martini called A Peach in a Peartree which was some sort of Pear liqueur with Peach schnopps (I can't spell today) and cranberry juice. It reminded me of liquified alcoholic peach and pear Jellie Bellies with cranberry juice. Delish! But it was quite fun hanging out with one of my very good girl friends and her boy.

Saturday ended up being relatively crazy. I had to work from 9 to 12:30 at the pharmacy and then went riding afterwards. We dyed eggs for Easter, which was ridiculous because I managed to pick out the two hardest dying kits ever. One was glittery, the other had this foil paper that you transferred onto the eggs with glue. That pink egg on the left took damn near an hour to do because of this. But it does look sweet.

After the egg dying, I ended up going out with quite a few people from high school plus the people we've added on over the years. I don't get to see these people enough, so it was a lot of fun. We ended up at an Irish pub, where we took a lot of pictures, drank a lot, and overall just had a blast. It was fantastic. We were there until they closed, and after I dropped one of my friends off we went to another bar that was open until 2. I bet a guy I've known since high school that I could do an Irish Car Bomb faster - I'm insanely competitive when it comes to things like that. I lost miserably the first time, but the second time was much better. E told me later that had I had a better start, it would have been much closer. Definitely a ridiculously fun evening though.

Today I'm just lounging around, there isn't really anything planned for this evening anyway. Actually, I think a nap may be in order. Have a Happy Easter!

Saturday Playlist Part 2

2009-04-11T19:12:00.001-05:00

You know the drill, if you've read last week's musical post. Just a little different, as I'm dropping it to a 5-song list.

Anyway, without further ado, my favorite songs for this past week.

1. Unstoppable - Rascal Flatts
I absolutely LOVE Rascal Flatts. They were one of the first country bands I listened to, I've seen them several times in concert, and each CD is absolutely amazing. The new one is definitely no different!

2. The Climb - Miley Cyrus
I know, I know. I'm not a huge fan of her but I love this song. It found its way into my head and, like the girl who sings it, just WON'T go away!

3. That Song In My Head - Julianne Hough
I absolutely adore this one - it's super cute, super fun, and super catchy. The song ultimately reminds me of summer.

4. One of the Boys - Katy Perry
Another catchy one, lol. It reminds me of me - I've always been a tomboy. Jeans, hoodie, and my pink-striped Adidas sneakers are my thing. With, of course, a ponytail. However, I don't exactly want to be looked at that way, not by anybody in particular by any means but now I do try to dress a little better especially while out. I still sometimes feel like I'm just playing dress up like when I was younger, but hell it's a start.

5. Stand - Rascal Flatts
An older song, yes. But it's about being strong and standing back up even when things seem tough. And even though lately I really haven't had anything major happen, this song reminds me of times that were tough but by being strong and not giving up, everything got better. I like finding a story in something, whether it be music or photos.

Time to get ready to go out. Have a Happy Easter everyone!

More girlyness

2009-04-08T09:20:00.001-05:00

I'm soo excited. The clothes I ordered on Sunday came Tuesday - I was sort of shocked. But apparently Kentucky is just a day's drive from Chicago.

Wait, did I really just type that?

When the hell did I become such a GIRL? I'm the tomboy - jeans and a hoodie, with my adidas with the hot pink stripes. Or cowboy boots, as the need arises.

At any rate, tonight was quite successful. Even though I have to be up and functioning in the next oh, 6 or 7 hours, it was a blast. I think I'll start singing "It's a Small World," because after all, it really is. We went line dancing tonight, which was okay - I was sort of bummed about some things but we ended up going to the bar we went to on Thursday. As it turns out, a friend of a friend of a friend was having a birthday party there too, and of course one of the guys I went to junior high school with was there. Random? Haha oh yeah.

I find it odd that of all places, I end up running into somebody I know at a random bar. A bar that's 40 minutes from home. Really? Oddly enough, he works at the same restaurant as the guy who we met on Thursday night. I'm starting to believe Tex (the guy from Thursday) was just trying to be nice, which really doesn't surprise me. Oh well.

Anyways, I'm really not sure why I'm still up. Or, why I woke up at 8:30, seeing as I got to bed at 3 in the morning. Something tells me a nap is in order after school. Have a good day!

This is from last year, but I love it. Sideways or otherwise.

Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-04-06T23:47:00.008-05:00

New layout/colors/etc.

I kinda like it. It's super-girly on my part but hey, whatever. I love the combination of pink, black, and shades of gray. And it's far less boring than this used to be. And, since it sounds like a lot of you all enjoyed the most recent post with pictures, I'm searching through the ones we have here. Now I just need a scanner.. hmm. Or batteries for the digital..

Coming Soon: More photos, ranging from more wannabe-artsy NYC ones to ones I took in Hawaii (with a disposable camera!), plus other ones I just really liked when I found them - mostly because they mean a lot to me.

For now, I'll leave you all with this shot I took last summer of a flower we had hanging around outside. It's my current desktop on my computer.

Perhaps I'm better with this photography stuff than I originally thought.. (I'd really think that if not for the fact that I know this shot was one of like five billion.)

I Wish I Could...

2009-04-05T14:57:00.007-05:00

One of the things I wish I could do better is photography. There's nothing better than an amazing looking photo to document a moment. I scouted my computer for some of my favorite photos that I've taken. So.. here goes...

I recently found this photo sitting on an old photo uploader site I used about 2 or 3 years ago. Sadly, these pictures are on a computer that crashed, so I have no idea if they're saved elsewhere. Which is the one downside to all the digitalness. Once it's gone, it's gone. At least with the old school cameras, you had the film. Or, if you're like me, everything you printed also got put on a CD.

But that's completely off topic. This photo was one of many lost NYC pictures. I can't remember exactly when I took this but I remember doing a bunch of bird shots (okay I'm kinda weird too). If only because a lot of them stood still while I took the photo. But I absolutely love how it turned out, with the colors and the water and the bird flying through.

This one I did of my dog a year or so before we had to put him down. I believe he was 15 or 16 at the time this shot was taken. We had this guy for about 15 years of my life, we got him when I was 8 and it was just this past October or so when we had him put to sleep due to poor health.

Obviously because I'm in this one, I didn't actually take it. But this was taken the week after I got the horse I own currently. :)

So there you go.. Some photography from my archives.

Saturday Playlist

2009-04-04T23:00:00.004-05:00

Something new! My current must-play songs of the week, a little late tonight, but here nonetheless.

So, here it goes... my top ten favorite songs for the past week. (drumroll, if you will)

1. Sweet Thing - Keith Urban
From his new album, it's just so catchy. Keith Urban is one of my favorite country artists, because he is so amazing to see perform live. I wish I were seeing his concert this year when it comes to town but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. But I've seen him about 3 times, most recently with Kenny Chesney and he's one hell of a performer - one of the funnest concerts I've been too.

2. Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects
AAR has been one of my favorite bands since I first heard Swing, Swing (way back in God knows when). This song just happens to be fun to sing along with and to blast. You know, windows down on a gorgeous spring day.

3. Jai Ho (You are my Destiny) - Rahman & Nicole from PCD
I really am not sure why I like this song, I know it's from Slumdog Millionaire but I've never seen the film. I think it's because I heard it on the commercial and found it. It's just so super catchy. I like the chorus, pretty much.

4. You'll Be There - George Strait
I know this is an old song, but I'm picking it because we got the tickets for George Strait today. He's playing a Chicago suburb venue in May and I cannot wait to go see him. Plus, it's the start of the summer concert series and while I won't get to go to many this year, it means having a fun evening with a bunch of my friends, drinking beer and having a kick-ass time together. And getting Bdubs (Buffalo Wild Wings) or Denny's afterwards.

5. Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson
Another song where I can't get the chorus out of my head to save my life. Actually, I first heard it on a ring tone of my friend's phone and then downloaded it today.

6. Down in Mississippi (& Up to No Good) - Sugarland
The kareoke song we sang the other night. Well, tried to sing. I never knew it very well, and I wish we did a different song. I like it though, after butchering it the other night. Gotta love drunk moments like that!

7. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
An older song, yes. It's also one of my favorite songs to do on Rock Band, oddly enough. The drum part anyways.. But overall it's one of my favorite songs that I can't help but to blast while driving around.

8. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
This became one of my most used ringtones on my cell (along with Gives You Hell). I just love it. End of story!

9. Thank You - Keith Urban
Another new song of Keith's. I love songs that gives me the chills, which tends to happen a lot with some country artists (Toby Keith, Tim McGraw) along with other artists too. It's about finding that person that makes the world shine just a little brighter, obviously a tribute to Nicole Kidman. Anyway, it gives me chills and that's why I like it.

10. Dead and Gone - T.I. f/ J. Timberlake
I LOVE this song. Absolutely LOVE it. Again, I'm not entirely positive why, though it again is pretty freaking catchy.

I have a pretty eclectic taste in music, looking back at this list. Perhaps a little odd, and mostly country-fied.

What are some of your favorite songs?

Drunk Blogging?

2009-04-03T02:09:00.001-05:00

Hoboy.

I totally just came home from a night out and this is definitely considered drunk blogging.

Which means I may or may not remember this tomorrow.

But I totally deserved a night out, because it's been nothing but work, school, and riding lately. So excited to get out. So I went dancing. And did some karaoke (which was awkward seeing as it was supposed to be a duo but um... yeah about that). And met a guy. Sort of.

Which is to say in the midst of being a third wheel, I somehow gained a Texan friend.

I wonder how this is gonna go, I got a number though. Which I think is good.

Or not. He could have just been being nice. I'm new at this, in any case...

Have a good night! Er.. day!

Another Weekend Update

2009-03-30T21:56:00.002-05:00

I think I'm officially Twilight-ed out. After watching the DVD several times (grand total is 2 and a 1/2, because I had to go to work halfway through), I think I'm done seeing it for quite some time. I also managed to reread all four books within the past week. Yes, I'm a Twilight nerd. And what's funny is that I'm still not sure how I really feel about the movie - I wish parts were different, but whatever.

Anyway, the rest of my weekend was sort of uneventful. I spent Friday going to school, watching part of Twilight, then working. After work, which was insanely slow so I got out early, I went to my friend's barn to ride my horse. I ended up crashing there, and watched Twilight once again, with one of my best friends.

Saturday I woke up early to ride and then go to the old barn, where I rode again and finished up some stuff to prepare for the horse show that weekend. I also got to teach a birthday party (weee!) and then came home. We ended up going line dancing that night because that's how I roll. I'm as country as can be living in suburbia.

Line dancing is quite the blasty blast, mostly because we got to sit and chat and everything. I danced twice, which is fine with me because dancing makes my legs sore occasionally. It's a great work out though.

Sunday morning was quite fun, being that I only had about 5 hours of sleep. I ended up being a judge on Sunday for the kids' horse show, which was a lot of fun. Easy work for good money :). Afterwards I came home and crashed.

Which brings me to Monday. I skipped classes this morning because I wasn't feeling all that hot, which is bad - I hate missing school! I went to work around 3 and got let out early again. That's the one bad thing about my job, I'm the only Pharmacy Technician who isn't full time, which roughly means that if hours need to be cut, mine are usually the first to go. However, I'm glad to have hours anywhere since it's a rough economy. I'm also insanely glad that I've finally gotten to be a Pharm Tech instead of front store.

Anyway, so that was my weekend - pretty exciting I suppose.

People seriously shock me sometimes..

2009-03-27T19:48:00.003-05:00

Normally at work, the pharmacy people and the front store people collaborate as far as what to get for lunch or dinner. I've always normally asked the different department, whether it was when I was still up front or when I was in pharmacy, like now. There are people who do and people who just don't.

What gets aggravated is that I specifically told someone on Tuesday that we would be getting Nancy's, which is an amazing pizza place here. He will not eat any other type of pizza except for Pizza Hut, which after trying the different options, I realized I just don't like enough to get all that often anymore. I used to, but apparently my tastes have changed. And I know this sounds like a pathetic argument to get into, but it happened today. We said on Tuesday we were ordering from a place my friend does NOT like, and complains about.

So, why then should we ask someone about getting food from a place he CLEARLY does not like? Furthermore, what's the point when we all know he will bitch and complain as to why we're getting what we got, which is stupid because he knew full well that was the plan as of Tuesday.

In any case, I got several dirty looks for that decision not to include him. Which I feel is relatively immature but who knows. I've been known to be wrong.

Seriously though? Can we grow up just a LITTLE?!

A little bit of appreciation

2009-03-27T00:01:00.003-05:00

Upon driving home the other night, I got to thinking about some things. I was listening to a local country station (I'm the most suburban wannabe cowgirl ever) and it was something about dedicating a whole two hours to those serving in the various branches of the armies, navies, marines, what have you.

The person on the air was a woman who's father was serving another term (is that what they call it?) in Iraq. He is close to retirement, and this should be his last tour I suppose.

What got me thinking is how much people like that have to give up to protect our country. How instead of the technology and other luxuries here, they instead choose to spend their time in a hot, mostly desert country with very little technology. Sadly, it is hard enough to function without a computer, television, or even lights when the power goes off yet these men and women spend months on end without the basics.

How hard it must be to suit up everyday (uniform up?) knowing that today could be your last. I'm not sure I could stand that sort of uncertainty, though life alone is uncertain enough without putting yourself in that position. Then again, I am not a person who likes a whole lot of change either.

At any rate, I just wanted to take the time to appreciate those fighting for our freedom. As hard as it is to imagine, it's still happening, so. thank you.

On a further note, I still can't not cry when listening to Toby Keith's "American Soldier."

A Weekend Update

2009-03-23T21:57:00.003-05:00

We've had amazing weather the past few days, which means the next time it gets cold, windy, and rainy, it will be that much more depressing. It was supposed to rain over the weekend, instead we ended up with a couple gorgeous 60 something degree days. Before we know it, it'll be 90 and humid as hell. Sigh. Stupid Chicago seasons!

Anyway, my sister was in town this weekend. She is normally in New York City so we don't see each other very often anymore. I had people over to play Rock Band 2 on Friday night and have a "reunion" of sorts - it was basically my friends from high school, which was cool. I love doing things like that, where it's people I haven't seen in a while and getting to just chill. The last time I saw some of them was when we saw Twilight.. hehe. Coincidentally, Twilight also just came out on DVD as well. Weird? I thought so!

RB2 night was quite the success, it seemed like everyone had a good time. Drinks were had, jokes were made, and I actually didn't suck too badly (it's been awhile since I've played).

Saturday was spent at either of the barns I happen to be at. We ended up getting lunch at Jimmy John's (it's quickly becoming a weekly tradition). So much fun though, hanging around outside! After that I ended up at the other barn, where my horse is currently. I think afterwards I ended up home but I honestly can't remember.

My horse Summer and I sometime last winter. I interrupted nap time.

On Sunday, my sister visited the barn with me to see my horse. I'm super thankful the weather stayed nice! We were able to ride outside again, and enjoy the weather! Not to mention it was great having sibling time. After I dropped her off, I went to go work for a bit. Didn't get home until 9 but then decided to start on my taxes.

Ah taxes. I've never filed my own before, so it was kind of interesting. Ended successfully though, I'm getting a little under 700 for both federal and state. I'm quite excited about that!

Anyway, that was my weekend. Hope you enjoyed it's monotony (lol)!

I'm Way Too Impatient..

2009-03-12T13:51:00.003-05:00

I'm terrible at waiting. I've never been particularly good at waiting, even when I was younger.

What makes it worse is waiting for UPS to deliver a package. Thanks to the tracking number system, you can track where the package is. Only downside is they can't seem to give an estimated time as to when it's actually going to arrive.

So now I'm sitting here, hoping it will get here by 2:50 because that's when I need to go to work. Sitting here watching the finale of VH1's Tool Academy, where the Biggest Tool, I mean, the one who's not so much of a tool anymore, leaves with both a diploma for something and a wife. I wonder if in a week or so we'll hear this guy is leaving his new wife for another girl a la Bachelor.

Anyway, it'd be extremely nice for a delivery company to include an estimated time of arrival. You know, for those of us who have to wait to make sure it actually gets delivered, when we could be elsewhere doing more important things.

My Weekend

2009-03-10T01:06:00.004-05:00

Being from a relatively small Midwestern town, it's pretty easy running into people you knew back in the day. Especially if you live in the same place you've always lived. I mean, that much is pretty obvious. Oddly, it happens even when you're in a small-ish community. Doing the horse shows I do puts me mainly in the midwest, and you get to see some of the same people more than once. I've been recognized twice in the past few days. Once was a fellow horseman from the industry I show in, and the second from someone who went to the same church as me a long time ago. I never thought I was someone to be remembered, especially because the two people who recognized me weren't really people I've ever held any sort of conversation with. In fact, being that I work in one of the five pharmacies in town, there are quite a few people who I've known from something or another who come in and recognize me. From classmates to teachers, and even my kindergarten Sunday School teacher recognized me once.

Which leads me to ask... Have I really not changed all that much since being 14 or 15, when I last went to church? I know for a fact I've changed since kindergarten though. I guess the one thing it tells me is that I AM actually someone worth remembering, even if it's just by sight which is not something I ever believed myself to be. I guess it's an odd feeling knowing people actually remember me. It's a scary thought too, really, being that I was an odd child growing up.

At any rate, the weekend was successful at least. I spent my weekend at my friend's, because we had a lot of horse-related adventures, plus I needed to ride anyway. We went to two states in two days, which equaled about 12 hours in a vehicle which was actually a lot of fun. And one of the coolest parts of the weekend was getting a free Roast Burger from Arby's because the cashier told me if I said some line about time changing, I would get one free with a pop. And honestly, it was a really good sandwich.. A lot like their normal roast beef sandwiches with the condiments and vegetables of a burger. Overall, very tasty and delicious!

Time to go. Seems I'm rambling, which I won't apologize for :P.

Of a lack of things to say..

2009-03-05T22:56:00.005-06:00

I'm so ready for spring to get here. We got a taste of the 60-degree weather over the past few days, I've been enjoying it quite a bit. Something about not needing to bundle up to be outside for two minutes is amazing. Actually, the fact that I can BE outside for more than two minutes without freezing is even more amazing.

I didn't write this post to talk about weather, but unfortunately my writer's block is not gone. Sigh. I need inspiration..

I've been reading an old blog of mine I used to have, in fact it was one of those Xanga journals. It's so odd reading things I thought were cool maybe 2 or 3 years ago - hell, it was started in 2003 I believe. And it's slightly entertaining, I used to be such a nerd! (Not much has changed)

Anyways.. I should be back on Monday, hopefully with something new. I have an exam for Calculus (which totally is not my forte - yikes!) on Monday, but I'm spending the weekend out in Bufu with my buddies. Should be exciting :).

So it goes..

2009-02-11T23:55:00.002-06:00

Today is just one of those days.

I managed to quit one of my two jobs (it was a long time coming, really). The upside is that it was the one night a week job, the one where I teach kids how to ride a horse. I also am leaving on reasonably good terms, which says a lot for who I work for. She is definitely not the easiest boss to get along with, nor the best I've ever had the pleasure of working for, but I grew up at the stable. I've been horseback riding since I was 12, and I started there. I've seen so many people coming and going, being hired and eventually being fired. I never thought I would be the one leaving. I started six months ago by relocating my horse, which was one foot out the door. Now comes time to get the second one out as well, I guess. The downside is that I will most certainly miss the kids I taught, they've come so far since I've known them. It's sad not seeing them on a weekly basis, really.

What is not so good is that my check wasn't ready when I tried to get it tonight while I was there which means I'll have to make another appearance there sometime this week. Plus, I didn't get a chance to say a proper good bye to my students.

Goodbyes are never easy, though, so maybe if this is how it ends, it's how it ends. I will be working Wednesday nights at my pharmacy job, so long as it's still available (how much of a kicker would that be? Leaving one job and not having the other day to fall back on? yikes!). And so it goes.

A Tiny Leave of Absence.

2009-02-04T01:03:00.002-06:00

I was hoping to have an idea of what to write about before my mini vacation. I leave tomorrow and nothing still sounds good. Besides complaining about the weather and how I manage to have a stuffy nose and be all sniffly all winter is something I don't really want to discuss.

At any rate, I'll be back either Sunday night or Monday with something new, I hope. Plus a fun blog about the letter N (which is turning out to be a little more difficult than I thought it would). So.. Have a fantastic weekend, and see ya next week!

25 Things

2009-02-01T21:45:00.004-06:00

I was tagged for this on Facebook, and in lieu of lack of posts (though there are some in the works) I decided to post this too. I have another taggy-sort that I've been trying to work on so expect that sometime this week too. Anyway, here goes: 25 facts about the one, the only... ME!

1. I consider myself lucky for having three best friends - all of whom are male, two of whom I've met in the past 2 years. One I've known for almost all my life, we met nearly 17 years ago.
2. I actually love grocery shopping. There's nothing more exciting than coming home to a stocked refrigerator and freezer. However, I tend to buy the same things forgetting I've already gotten them at home.
3. I currently work as a Pharmacy Technician for CVS and have done so for the past year - I started as a front store cashier. I'm going to eventually go to school for Pharmacy.
4. I've been riding horses for about 13 years now.
5. I have a horse, her name is Summer. I've had her for about 4 years now.
6. I will NOT drink milk that is past the expiration date. I hate how it tastes after the date, so I always end up buying milk while there's still half a gallon in the refrigerator.
7. I worked at Build-a-Bear Workshop for about three years. It may have been both the most fun and one of the worst jobs of my life!
8. I love teaching horseback riding lessons. I've been teaching for about two years now and it's always amazing how much my students have improved!
9. My car is almost always a mess - I spend a lot of time driving from place to place, and as a result it gets messy.
10. In fact, my room is almost always messy (if not always messy).
11. I could not live without facebook. Is that sad?
12. My parents would never let me have a game system (like Sega) when I was younger. Now we have both a Wii and a PS3.
13. Rock Band 2 is probably one of my favorite games. I'm better at drums and can manage to get through a song on the hard setting.
14. I don't really drink alcohol all that often. I was never big on drinking anyway, it was more of a social thing than anything.
15. I've been to 5 different states for horse shows, including Florida, Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Iowa. I hope to increase that to include Oklahoma and Ohio this year.
16. I LOVE swimming and wish I would have kept up with swim team longer than I did.
17. I'm afraid of being a disappointment. I hate feeling like I've disappointed anybody, which makes it hard for me to say no to certain things that makes me think there's a chance of that happening. However, it also means I usually tend to take too much on at once.
18. I can't wait to finish my general education stuff and move on to applying and hoping getting accepted to a Pharmacy school.
19. I am scared to NOT get accepted, a fear that kept me from applying to schools when I was senior (something I've never really told anyone.)
20. In my entire high school career, I attended a total of 4 dances - Sweetheart's twice (as a sophomore and a junior I believe), TWIRP (as a junior?), and Prom.
21. I love reading. Even if it's a series intended for teenagers (Sisterhood books, Twilight series, and my latest favorite: Harry Potter). If it looks interesting, I read it!
22. I have never really had a relationship, and that fact scares me because it makes me worry that I'm not good enough. I'm working on changing that fact, at least the part of me not being good enough.
23. I absolutely hate drama. I hate being in the middle of it and I try my best not to cause any.
24. I'm one of those weird people who hates tomatoes but love ketchup. I also, oddly enough, love spinach dip but I hate spinach.
25. Speaking of food, one of my favorite things ever are mashed potatoes. In fact, potatoes in general really. I also like carrots, corn, and green beans.

On Working Out

2009-01-28T23:25:00.000-06:00

Whew.

I am hoping this gets easier as I go.

I'm speaking of my newfound goal of trying to work out a few times a week. I started swimming this past Monday (the 19th) after work. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy it, and I never seemed to be able to fit it in with my current schedule. But when there's a will, there's a way.

I really enjoy swimming. For being a cardiovascular workout, it really can be low-impact which is safer for my knee. I have a floating patella which means my knee cap isn't always in the right place and that can get pretty painful. When I was in high school and in an alternative gym class because of Marching Band, it used to be very troublesome. I was delegated to walking the track for 30 minutes three times a week because I wasn't really allowed to run. Besides, I don't run very well either but that's besides the point.

With swimming, I'm able to go as fast as I can and not kill my knee. I used to be on swim team when I was younger. I wish I'd kept that up, because I used to be able to swim more laps without getting as winded as I do now.

This is going to be an adventure, that's for sure. But I'm excited to try to keep up with this work out plan as much as possible. Currently, I plan on swimming two to three times a week and possibly doing weights an extra day per week but we'll see how that goes. I assume I will be in pain for most of the first few weeks of this!

On My Favorite Thing - Spending Money!

2009-01-25T01:24:00.005-06:00

Let me just clear the air here... I LOVE shopping (not totally unusual I suppose, but I used to be the biggest tomboy and never enjoyed it much). For the most part. By that, I mean when I find items that are really cute and probably as inexpensive as possible thanks to my income. But luckily for me, there are places like Old Navy with affordable, cute pieces (my most recent adventure for a pair or two of jeans turned into a hundred-dollar affair, though I DID get quite a few things for that amount of money). There are also places like Burlington Coat Factory where I finally purchased my new winter coat for half off it's original $200 price tag.

I know, even HALF of $200 is a little more than half of my paychecks, but I decided that I was tired of having the same jacket I've had since oh, maybe 2004. Maybe even 2003, it was when I was still working at Build-a-Bear (that is an adventure of it's own!). What I figure when I'm shopping is if I wear it enough, it's worth whatever the cost is. I'm an avid watcher of What Not to Wear which is surprisingly useful. Even with not having been on the show.

But I'm quite excited about my new coat, I'll eventually have to take a picture. It's definitely cute!

Besides my Old Navy obsession, I also LOVE book shopping. There's nothing better then coming home with a new find. Or an old find, since I've recently begun reading the Harry Potter series. I'd never read it and figured it's about time to see what the hullabaloo was about (that word totally does not get used nearly enough!). So far so good, I'm on to book number three and enjoying myself so far. Once I get into a book, it's hard for me to put it down without finishing it entirely. It was the same with the Twilight series too. (I am an out of the closest book nerd if you've not been able to tell!)

Now that I'm rambling, I believe it's time for bed. Work comes too early on Sundays!

Change

2009-01-20T12:00:00.003-06:00

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. - Barack Obama

Chances are, if you've previously read my blog, you know I support change, treating people as unique, and above all, I have a strong belief in Barack Obama.

I cannot believe that it's already his inauguration. My only hope now is that people can be patient enough to let him do the work that is necessary to fix our country. With most change, it's going to take time and I feel as though people will be quick to judge if it doesn't happen right away. But I think now, more than ever, it shouldn't matter what your belief is because we need to come together for a unity much stronger than any belief, and that's because we are the United States. Whether you're a democrat or a republican or affiliate yourself with no party, I think that Obama has the power to reunite us all.

I applaud his work, and that of the politicians before him who have given this nation a redeeming quality. Heroes like Martin Luther King, Jr and now Barack Obama show that it doesn't matter your race or your background. It's what you can do to make the world a better place.

One of my main goals in my life is to leave my mark on the world, whether it be because I've made someone's life a little bit better or because I've done something to put myself in the history books.

To those fighting for our country, fighting to make a change in this world, or even fighting to make themselves better: thank you - because it probably will never get said enough!

Making (and Keeping) a Schedule.

2009-01-19T23:17:00.003-06:00

I finally set up a proper g-mail account for myself. I've been debating but I had heard of their calendar and their e-mail being really good so I figured I'd give it a shot. Mostly for their calendar.

As I set that up today, I began to realize how busy this semester of college is going to be. Even without really having a full class load, I have work 6 days a week, between two different locations for pharmacy technician, and yet another job in which I work one night a week. I am also trying to exercise a little bit more because I am out of shape. Terribly out of shape. Plus the time I need for homework and my online class, not to forget about the time I need to take care of my horse. After looking at this calendar, it seems every block of time is used for school, work, homework, or taking care of my horse which in itself sometimes feels like a full time job.

I begun to realize though that if I have a set schedule like this, I'm either going to blow it all off or I will follow it and things will go smoothly. As smoothly as they possibly can at least. I've figured that I don't even have to be up before 10 on most days. Which is relatively lucky. Or even if I feel the need to, I can work out in the mornings and be done by 9 at night. In either case, I've got some options even with this schedule I'm setting for myself.

I hope I can stick to this calendar. Because before it was hard seeing when I could fit everything in, but now that it's all laid out... Maybe it will make everything easier!

The Past Week

2009-01-17T13:41:00.004-06:00

Wonderful school has started up again. I actually looked forward to the new semester because it means that I won't have to work a second job in the daytime anymore. Definitely a plus, as I did it for a few weeks during winter break and it absolutely was a bad idea. I mean, the money was somewhat nice but not enough to keep me wanting to do it for any length of time.

I've only got three classes this semester, mostly in part because I still have to work one job nearly full time in order to afford it. I pay for my own classes and my books, which can get pretty costly. Of my three classes, I luckily only needed two books but it was still $207.

At any rate, school is sure to keep me relatively busy, I've got an online course for Intro to Theater, Calculus, and Economics. I think this is the last semester I won't have to take any science courses, from now til the time I'm done with my gen eds I have sections of Biology, Chemistry, and Physics left.

After that, though, I'll be able to take my PCAT and start applying to Pharmacy schools. I can't wait for that.

On top of this, I'm trying to get to a few horse shows this year as well. I show AQHA, which is the association for Quarter horses, competitively, whether it be locally or nationally. I don't bring it up much because it's often hard to explain what exactly I do, and usually unless anyone's into the horse thing themselves. But I do have my own horse and she's pretty much a big part of my life at the moment. It keeps me grounded because it's something I have to work for as far as the showing stuff goes. She's like my rock, it's like having something or somebody to go to when you're stressed.

I digress.

The whole point of this post was to sort of describe why I haven't posted in the past week. Unfortunately, being busy with school and work apparently must take precedence when it comes to this blog. I am so not sure if I spelled "precedence" right. I hope so. But hey, if I disappear every so often, at least whomever reads this won't be TOO concerned!

A blog about food..

2009-01-12T23:20:00.003-06:00

So apparently winter is officially hitting Chicago.

Not like it hasn't done anything yet already - December was quite snowy, cold, and icy to top everything off. Sweet.

Now it's the first blizzard of '09. Well, blizzard like conditions I guess. But I didn't come on here to talk weather.

My hometown finally got its very own Sonic! Is it bad that I'm this excited over a food establishment?

Perhaps.. but it's sort of nostalgia based.

When I was younger, the town my grandmother lived in had not one but TWO sonic locations. My family, both extended and immediate, always used to buy Cherry Limeades at every chance while in Newton for however long our stay was. Besides spending time with the family, a chance to eat at Sonic was pretty rare for us because the closest one to me was 3 hours away up until this past year. So seeing all of those Sonic commercials was pretty tempting.

The last time I saw a Sonic was while we were in Springfield one year for a horse show. However, I wasn't in the car that stopped at Sonic which was, again, tempting.

So now that we have our very own Sonic, my pockets and my diet are going to take a turn for the worse. Good thing I have another year-long gym membership - I'll definitely need to work out after all of this! (By the way, if you ever have the chance to have Sonic - they have the best Banana Cream Pie milkshakes!)

The Pros and Cons of iTunes

2009-01-09T22:10:00.001-06:00

iTunes is amazingly troublesome. As well as entirely too convenient.

I could get into some serious problems while being able to do a one-click purchase and download right to my computer. And I am sure I do. In the end, I've ended up with an album full of songs I've never heard from an artist I've never even heard of. Which could go both ways. If I end up LIKING the band, it's definitely a good, sound judgment. However, it could go the other way too and I could end up hating both the album I've just spent 8 to 10 dollars and the artist to boot.

It's a no-win situation!

However.. these were winning choices in my book..

1. Linkin Park - "Minutes to Midnight"
Overall, I have not given Linkin Park a fair shot. Sure, I've liked some songs they have done but never enough to purchase an album. But I did preview a few of them, all thirty seconds that iTunes gives you to hear. I really like the entire album though, there aren't any songs that I would say don't belong on this album. My favorite songs include "Leave Out All the Rest" which coincidentally appears on the Twilight movie soundtrack and "Bleed it Out" which is just a fun song to get me moving. "In Between" is also a good track, though like I said there aren't any I'd say I dislike.

2. Lady Gaga - "The Fame"
I've heard "Just Dance" everywhere, and I was curious. Lady Gaga reminds me of a sane Britney Spears, tied in with Pink and maybe a little Christina Aguilera. All of her tracks are very dance-y and she is VERY blunt. I really like "Poker Face" and obviously, "Just Dance." Unfortunately, I haven't listened to much else yet but it's very pump you up music.

3. The All American Rejects - "When the World Comes Down"
I hold a bit of a bias for this, because I've listened to a lot of AAR in the past, they are in fact one of my favorite bands. It STILL fits into the iTunes purchase category though! In any case, I love "Mona Lisa" and "Gives You Hell." I've found their songs also fall into the get you pumped category.

4. Three Days Grace - "One-X"
One of my iTunes finds, though I do think I've heard "Never Too Late" before I saw it on iTunes. No matter, it's a decent album. In fact, I still need to give most of it a listen...

But like I said, I usually end up with random things I haven't heard of before. Sigh. Time to turn on that shopping cart feature so I don't get stuck making a purchase I don't really want.

On a side note, and because I really don't know how else to end this post.. Less than 5 months until I'm 25! By less than, I mean a day under 5 months. Sigh!

2009-01-08T02:10:00.005-06:00

With New Year's being a week ago, it's been sort of nice to take an introspective look as to what I would change and how I could better myself as a person. I feel there's only one thing consistent as people, and that's the ability to change. It doesn't matter if you feel there's nothing TO be changed because it's inevitable. You may not even notice it happening, it just does its thing and a year or even a month later you sit and realize how differently you've looked at things before.

I like change. I like the fact that even though we think we stop growing up at a certain point, it turns out we really don't. Who I am today may not be who I am a year for now, I know for certain a year ago this time I didn't know where I would be at as far as life goes. No one can really predict this kind of stuff.

Just six or seven months ago I was eager to trade my life in for a whole new one. As off-base as I was, I thought that with who I'd met was going to turn out to be special. Boy, was I wrong! What really blows my mind about it was how certain I was that it was my ticket out of here. Instead, I wasted several months on somebody who wasn't real, on somebody I put on a pedestal. Inadvertently, I too became a different person because of him. Because of an idea, really.

I bring this up because I feel that in the past few months I've become myself again, with an added bonus of a thicker skin and being a bit less naive. Changing yourself to be what someone else wants just seems so pointless now, it may be the one thing I possibly regret (I feel that in regretting anything makes it seem like you've made a mistake, however mistakes you learn from and therefore can better you as person). The one upside to it all is that I realized just how much I would lose in order to change my life. For one person.. idea.. whatever you'd want to call it.

What is my point? I've seemed to, per usual, rambled on and lost where I was headed in this whole thing.

I guess we just never cease growing up which is beneficial because everything around us is always changing, it just takes a bit more to see the change in ourselves.

"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again." - Everwood.

A Better Mail System!

2009-01-07T04:15:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, I happened to be at home. Presumably playing Lego Batman on the Wii because, let's face it, that's how I roll. I should mention, too, that I am still living at home.

The mail system here at home is basically non-existent. Whomever brings the mail in does not always get it from point A to point B so it usually ends up getting piled up somewhere, only for me to find it a few weeks after the fact. Speaking of, I STILL need to pay that stupid bill I've probably lost again. Oops!

I digress. So my parents came home that afternoon, and said, "Guess what we got, Katie!" They immediately pull out a "mail box" of sorts, to be hung on my door so that way my mail actually GETS to me instead of floats around the house.

The only thing I wish is that I could have gotten one of those cool stand up ones to place by my door. How awesome would that be? (maybe it's just me who thinks this). Anyway, like something with those little flags you put up when there's mail inside. Like I said, maybe it's just me, but anything to get the mail faster works for me.

Ranting about Reality TV.. sort of.

2009-01-04T21:25:00.003-06:00

Woohoo another post! Let's hope it's less worry about what I intend to say than it has been lately. Perhaps, too, I'm ready to go back to school - I couldn't even remember whether that was a than or a then moment. One more week of winter break, gladly - and this week I'm only doing two long days instead of four. Thankfully! (See, saying no helps me out a bit)

In any case, I've been quite content to sit in front of the television as much as possible this weekend. Partly due to the fact I haven't been feeling so well, partly also because I have been bored and finally had nothing better to do. This, of course, was in between rereading the Twilight series. I'm about to reread the fourth book, though my copy of the second book is still somewhere out there at a friend's house.

Anyway, its odd seeing how many reality shows are now out there. In the past few years, it seems like more and more reality TV took over the scripted shows.

This wouldn't be such a big deal if not for the fact that we're on the THIRD series of "A Shot of Love." As if Tila Tequila wasn't enough, now it's twins looking for love? Who both happen, again, to be interested in both male and female? Which by the way, the first time around it was quite amusing to watch what happened when they figured out they were all after the same person, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to sit through another cycle of this. Wait, cycle is America's Next Top Model (which I do have a weakness for, so sue me).

What I'm concerned about is this Brody Jenner reality show. I could handle him on the Hills, he's nice to look at to be sure but a reality show about finding HIS best friend, er, bromance? Are we kidding? I guess Paris had her turn, so it must be time for the male population to respond. The only thing that keeps me entertained with this Bromance thing is to see how many words they can put "bro" in front of, such as bromance, bromosexual, and broathlon. Secondly, there is a guy on that show that absolutely amuses me due to facial expressions alone. However, I can't really remember his name right now.

And, another point - Is Ryan Seacrest taking over the world? I've seen a few reality shows that show him as a producer. Seriously?!

At any rate, I don't exactly despise reality shows but there are some that just need to end. Now, preferably. However, I'm completely aware I will be sucked in to the whole thing as per usual.

To blog, or not to blog...

2009-01-02T23:10:00.004-06:00

I can't believe it's 2009 already. Seriously? Where does the time go?

It's hard writing a blog when all you really do is work and work and work. One of the downfalls to working two jobs, plus that whole I can't say no thing. New Year's Resolution? I think yes! Er.. Anyway, I think I concentrate on what other people think of me to where I forget to take time for myself.

But with the working, I don't come up with much as far as anything to say.

The only other thing I've done lately is play a ton of Rock Band 2. So, not much there either.

New Year's resolution #2? Finding more things to blog about. I'd like to have something people want to read, instead of me complaining and being nostalgic all the time. I could talk about my new-found Twilight obsession, but that too would get boring. I need something exciting to happen.

Finally, the third New Year's resolution I intend on sticking with is being more outgoing. I know from what people DO tell me they see they like. I need to reword that. I mean, once I open up, people like what they see. The difference is showing people that fun side of me first. I am shy by nature, so being open and being honest about certain things scare me.

Oh there is one more. I need to stop worrying about what people think of me. This ties into #3 the more I think about it but I like to worry and fret about whether or not people like me, but it shouldn't matter. What matters is if I'm happy, and if I like what I'm doing. The only people who should matter are my friends, and they shouldn't mind what I do so long as it's not harmful to them or myself.

So there you have it. My New Years stuff in a nutshell. Happy New Year!

I do stupid things sometimes....

2008-12-30T00:33:00.003-06:00

I guess if I were in a movie right now, it'd probably be the Yes Man one. Or, in my case, the Yes Woman.

I think I say yes to things way too much. Instead of enjoying my holiday break like I should, I've made almost every morning this week insanely busy. Today I worked a total of 11 hours, with an hour in there somewhere to drive from point A to point B to point C. (A being job #1, B being home, C being job #2). And I get to look forward to doing it again tomorrow!

Had I not said yes, I would have gotten my normal three days of getting to sleep in as late as i want since I don't usually have to be at work til 4. I could have been selfish with my time (though I'll get paid for working the three mornings that I am working). So I'm sure I could have gotten out of this somehow...

Oh, right - it's that funny little word called NO!

That being said, there may be a short hiatus while I'm busy working my super long days. Only thing I get to look forward to is Wednesday, when... I can be a drunky and have fun with my friends. And, I'll actually get some SLEEP because I fully intend on taking a nap after work....

Time Goes By Way Too Quickly...

2008-12-28T03:25:00.004-06:00

I can't believe another year has gone by already. This one seemed to fly by faster than it feels like it should have. Perhaps a steady job and everything I have going on makes it go that much quicker.

Looking back on this past year, I believe I've grown up a little bit more. At least, you'd hope that be the case - every mistake and every "win" is a growing experience. You never really stop changing, sometimes it just happens out of nowhere like a light bulb going off. And sometimes you just look back and see how differently you would act in a situation had it been today instead of yesterday.

I guess that could be taken as a blessing or as a downfall. Change seems to happen so rapidly that it could either be detrimental or positive. However, surrounded by the right circumstances, even a detrimental change has the possibility to become more shaping than the change that happens through a blessing.

So would the detrimental parts be considered an opportunity for more change?

I guess, again.. it's all in how you look at it...

It's All in How You Look At It

2008-12-26T00:42:00.003-06:00

There's been something bugging me lately. Maybe it's the holiday season giving me a new perspective on this, but it's really not only the point in time when I've questioned certain parts of humanity and how people treat people. My faith in humanity is perhaps losing steam.

I had a customer who apparently was formerly a customer who felt the need to complain to me about how he saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico.. I mean, Walmart. Which is something I honestly in no way have control over, it's all about the insurance and what they charge. In any case, he chose Christmas Eve to come complain. It could have not waited until a normal week day (that's another point I need to make), but he felt the need to do it on Christmas Eve. It was probably the most insulting conversation I've endured as of late, but it got me thinking...

What in the world are we coming to when people are not treated as PEOPLE? Does it matter what kind of job you're in? Car you drive? Color of skin, what you wear, how you fix your hair, I could go on and on about labels I know are out there and I still would not be able to cover them all. The point is, humanity seems to have suffered a blow as of late. Why is being better than everyone else a priority?

What happened to people just being PEOPLE? Everyone has a story, a background, a reason for being where they are and who they are. How does one get any where in life? Everyone takes one step at a time, one foot in front of the other until they get to where they're going. Doesn't the person who works at a fast food restaurant to make ends meet still have the same potential for greatness as the person who may be a little bit spoiled and doesn't know what it's like to live paycheck to paycheck? Are you really better than somebody because of where they work? It's a necessity to have an income, and there is usually a reason to why someone is where they are. Perhaps it's a little different when that's all the person has made their life to be, but for most I know, the fast food industry is a stepping stone into something better.

So why should they be looked down upon for making their life better? And does that give someone the right to treat them as any less of a person?

I know I have made my own faults in this, in labeling certain people. But part of growing up is realizing the fault in how you see things and how they should be seen. Everything deserves a closer look, and as far as people go, everyone deserves a chance to be somebody. In this world, it's not about being above someone else. Above all, I believe people ARE people -- everyone has their good points, their bad points, and the in-between.

What sparked this whole thing was me working on Christmas Eve & Christmas, and realizing that there are people who just want to make life hell either because they can or because that's just how their life is. Making someone else feel like shit makes them feel better. But what really bothers me about this is how both holidays have become just another day. I understand that not everybody in America celebrates these holidays, and that it is just another Wednesday and Thursday to them, but... for those who do, and even if you don't... remember that just because someone is working on Christmas is not because they have something better to do, but maybe it was a choice to give up their Christmas morning for someone else to enjoy theirs.

I guess it's all in how you look at it.

(By the way, Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to all of you!)

Caking with Kate (or just a funny story)

2008-12-19T14:07:00.004-06:00

Wow it's been awhile! I guess I'm not so good at keeping up with these things! So I apologize to my.. um.. well, I don't know exactly how many of you actually keep up with this either. But I finally had a blog-worthy tale to share.

So this week I've been when my father calls "caking" - which is, I've been baking cakes up the wazoo. Partially because I have a Christmas party to this evening, and I wanted to bring a dessert. I also had a really huge craving for cake too - who knows, I just went with the idea and thought it would be fun. And so I've made about three cakes this week. The third is, in fact, baking itself as we speak.

The first cake actually turned out really well (perhaps it's beginner's luck, seeing as the last time I actually baked ANYTHING was years ago). I made some pretty green frosting out of a tub of butter cream frosting and green food coloring. A really pretty, spring-ish green for a Christmas-y cake. Tis the season? I guess, since I really just want warmer weather. And some turquoise blue boots, but I digress. So, having my first caking experience out of the way, I decide to wait until Thursday for my second creation, the one that was actually supposed to be going to the party.

I chose a Fudge Marble cake mix (I don't trust myself well enough to create one from scratch) and set to work. Things were going rather smoothly, the cake was marble-y looking and was all set in the oven, baking away as cakes do. I figure once it's in the oven, cakes are pretty much the easiest thing in the world. Check it in roughly a half hour, make sure the toothpick comes out smoothly.. Easy sailing from there on. Even my frosting ability looked decent!

Well, apparently, being a klutz and caking don't exactly go hand in hand.

If you guessed I tripped over my own two feet, you are correct and probably know me far too well. I tripped over my own two feet and, having baked the cake in a foil pan, well.... The pan did not fare well and proceeded to twist and bend out of shape and there goes the cake. On the floor. In large, marble-y, fudge-y looking pieces.

Sadly, it is still in pieces on the kitchen counter, in a box underneath the good cake I baked earlier this week.

On a happy note, the cake I just made is safely sitting on the counter cooling. It survived the travels from the oven to the counter (and it's in a real cake pan this time, too!). Now it just needs to survive frosting....

Just a complaint...

2008-11-23T21:36:00.003-06:00

So I'm sitting here watching the American Music Awards. I don't think I've sat down to watch an awards show since I was a huge 'N Sync fan, unless you count the CMAs a few years ago though that was more accidental than anything else.

Nevertheless, I've sat through a few commercials, and a few performances (Jonas Bros, PCD, Natasha what's-her-name, and lastly, Rihanna) and I don't believe I seen any awards being presented save for an all time achievement award for Annie Lennox.

Since when were these shows about the performances and not the music? I remember when awards shows used to have maybe 4 to 5 performers tops, the rest was just awards...

Ah well.

I still have yet to see the Twilight movie. Don't get me wrong, I want to so badly, it's just about having time and finding people to go with. I've read all of Twilight plus the second book in the series, New Moon. It's safe to say I'm a Twilight fanatic especially considering I purchased the second book last evening and had it completely read by 1 pm this afternoon. Whoops! As far as the movie goes, it's all just a matter of time...

And the awards show just proved me wrong... Daughtry won an award for Best Pop Group I think. Good for them, they've got some good songs! And now a performance by Kanye West...

I love when award shows (awards shows? that just looks wrong..) interrupt the winners by starting to play music.

Being Nostalgic

2008-11-16T23:21:00.003-06:00

It's weird watching MTV's Total Request Live finale. Maybe because it's been showing for the past decade of my life, but it was something I enjoyed coming home from school and watching (especially because 'N Sync's videos were always on).

Ten years of my life... I would have been 14 when the show first aired. I was a freshman in high school.

What a change. The only downside is MTV is more and more becoming a network devoted to reality TV, between its Real World and countless dating shows. I remember when it used to be all music, all the time, with amazing cartoons like Daria and Beavis and Butthead.

I miss those days, when my biggest worry was about who's video was the top of the countdown on TRL....

Venting...

2008-11-14T21:08:00.003-06:00

I need to vent a minute.

One of my biggest pet peeves is talking to someone who only maintains one topic of conversation. Okay, maybe there's more than one, but most of our conversing consists of what she is up to. What she is doing, how her life is going... I understand that 90% of our conversations can NOT and will not be about me but please. To not let me speak about my stuff is a one-sided friendship, if it even is that.

I'm tired of talking to this person only to hear how much this guy is amazing. Yeah, okay, I get that he's amazing to her but to me? He's nothing but a part of my past I'd like to forget. Am I being harsh? Maybe. Mostly because I can't seem to say this to her directly. But the truth is, I'm much too nice of a person to say it. Because I know the only reason she talks to me is to vent about him or to say all what a nice person he is. To be completely honest, it was almost like she was trying to make me jealous of what she's got. Nothing to be jealous about really.

This is where me being nice makes me a little confused as to where the line should be drawn. It's not a valuable friendship if all she wants to talk about is him and what she is up to. When I can't get a word in edgewise about what I'm up to. So she definitely doesn't even really fall into the "friend" category. So why can't I just stop talking to her?

I'm Just Not Good Enough

2008-11-14T00:03:00.005-06:00

One of my biggest fears is manifesting itself now in the sense of just not living up to certain standards, some of which I impose on myself unnecessarily. My own brand of a pessimistic outlook, my friends...

I'm just not good enough.

I'm not really positive Pharmacy is the right path for me any more. I think I may have made a mistake, because it seems like I can't even handle being a technician. What am I going to do when all the responsibility is on ME? Then I really can't hide anymore. Everything would fall on me, and what if I'm not good enough then? What if I'm never really good enough at anything? What do I do then?

If not Pharmacy, what the hell am I supposed to do with my life? I've already spent enough time and money in college, and I haven't gone much further than junior college. True, there have been some on and off years and now I'm limited to taking only a few courses a semester because I have to work nearly full time as well to pay for the things I need and want.

I just need to work harder, I guess.

I don't want to be just a face in the crowd. I want to be somebody.

I wish the career outlook was the only place I feel inadequate about. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I don't want to be this 24 year old living in my parent's house, still attending junior college, still not clear about the future. By this point, I had hoped to find myself. Looks like I have some work to do there too.

My Two Cents

2008-11-02T21:07:00.006-06:00

I promised myself I wouldn't blog about this, being a 'hot topic' as of late.

But I've been watching a lot of election coverage tonight.

I'm beginning to think people are scared of change. Voting for McCain would be like voting for Bush. While Obama is relatively young and relatively new, he is working for the American people. The United States are not so united, and it would be nice to see a president who can make a positive change.

John F. Kennedy was also considered the under dog, having served only one term as a senator before making a run for the Presidency. Kennedy was also fairly young, up against politicians 30 years older. But what Kennedy did was inspire people. To see people as people, not as black, white, Hispanic, whatever you are. He stood for the civil rights movement. He also died too young. But he still inspired people to change.

Even hundreds of years ago, Lincoln supported the movement to abolish slavery. He was way ahead of his time, and fought to unite a country that was torn because of race.

Two hundred years later, there is still an issue of equality among all sorts of people. Would Obama face such opposition if he weren't black?

I think Obama will inspire change. He will fight to make this country stand united, and it would be a giant step for civil rights, a movement that began so many years ago and still is being fought today for many people.

That being said, although I am pro-Obama, I still believe it is very important for every American who have the ability to vote should. Regardless of who you vote for, we are all Americans and will support the result. I would hope that regardless of who wins, everyone would support our President.

On Being Busy

2008-10-31T00:42:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the lack of update as of late, school and work has been keeping me incredibly busy lately. And for once, I'm putting school above most everything.

Classes are going well, I'm looking forward to Winter Break for obvious reasons. I'm taking a mini-vacation the weekend before Thanksgiving (if you can call a horse show a vacation, which I do being that it's a weekend I won't have to work and I'll be able to hopefully have some sort of fun. Success too. Yes, having a successful weekend would be extremely nice too). And the weekend of Thanksgiving, I plan on attending a horse show to be a spectator (10 bucks says I get put to work on that one). I digress. I am enjoying my pre-Calculus class, because for some reason, math classes make me feel brilliant sometimes. It's one class I finally don't have to work extremely hard at to understand, though I've found that as I get closer to Calculus, a little bit of studying does go a long way as far as tests go. We had a quiz today in which I completely blanked on something I knew, and Tuesday we have a test. Which means that besides the time I am at work or celebrating tomorrow's (today's) "holiday," I will be attempting to do some homework for class.

Work.. hmm.. I'm still teaching one night a week at the horse stable, which has its benefits. I am finally out of debt there (moving my horse played a giant role in this) and now actually receive a monthly check. I can not wait to receive this month's check, as I know it will be good and will help me out for that vacation of mine. As far as the pharmacy gig is going, I'm still attempting to get more pharmacy tech hours. Working up front as a cashier is fun, great, and has its benefits (getting paid mostly) but I want the experience of working in a pharmacy. There MAY be an opening to work full time back in the pharmacy, but I am still crossing my fingers that it will work out.

I can't wait for my mini "vacation."

It's All About Me

2008-10-18T01:26:00.004-05:00

I'm absolutely tired of being walked over.

Anything I do, if I make it about me, I'm selfish. However, if I let it be about someone else, I'm selfish, rude, or just an all out bitch.

What the hell. It is apparent to me that the more self-assured a woman is, the more she is considered to be a bitch. Because she can stand on her own two feet and doesn't need a man to protect her. Inside of everyone is a person who wants to be liked and wants to be wanted, or loved, or whatever.

But the outside? The person on the outside is a shell, rock hard and so hard to get into.

Well... Finally, I've reached the point where things are going to be about me. I'm tired of trying to make everyone else happy because all it does it make me unhappy sometimes. I would give someone the shirt off my back because I am that type of person. But in trying to be nice, I feel like it gives people the impression that I will bow down to what they want. WRONG.

There are people I love to death that none of this applies to, but those people have come through for me time and time again. I would not be who I am today if not for them, and for that I am extremely grateful and would give them the shirt off of my back because that truly is who I am. It takes a lot for me to think highly enough of someone to totally let them in. I put walls up to see who's worth being in my life because it protects my sense of self a lot better than just totally be nothing but open about everything.

But for now, I'm just going to let things be about me. I don't give a damn about what someone I don't really know thinks about me. Time to be selfish for awhile....

Moving On part 2

2008-09-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

I found this post sitting in my drafts, and decided to post it.

It's always unusual running into people you used to be friends with. It never matters why the friendship crumbled or why you fell out of touch, it still results in the same sort of awkward pause at the beginning. And although it makes for an extremely awkward time, or even something that drudges up bad memories, there's always a sense of relief to know that you finally had a chance to say what you need to say and end on good terms. Especially when it happens when you least expect it.

I had the opportunity to see an old friend of mine recently. Our friendship ended in lies and backstabbing, and ultimately bad memories and wondering what was really true and good in the friendship and what was fake. It's one of those things where you'd rather hear straight from the person how they feel about you instead of hearing it from their best friend's mother's sister's dog's brother's aunt.

The conversation didn't start off too well, and I was a little apprehensive to see her again. We hadn't heard from each other since the night we ended our friendship. Part of me is glad that it took so long because there were a lot of things I was ultimately hurt about. I finally got to say what I've needed to say for this past year. What I have now is a sense of closure, and the pleasure of knowing that the things I needed to say were said. Being able to stick up for myself was also a nice change of pace.

In any case, now I feel I can move on the situation and finally forget about what it would be like seeing this particular "friend" again. I know that if we do see each other again, we will both be mature about it and make nice, though I know that it would never move past acquaintances again.

My favorite time of year...

2008-09-22T23:15:00.000-05:00

I think fall is one of my favorite times of year. The weather starts to be cooler, the leaves turn pretty colors, and for the most part, we get more cloudy blue skies than gray and rainy ones. Thankfully, this past summer wasn't very hot this year. Unfortunately, along with the change in weather started new allergies -- woohoo!

Along with the weather changing, my favorite part of the fall is the fact that many of my favorite television shows are returning with new episodes. Heroes, Ugly Betty, and Gossip Girl are my personal favorites. It's almost like running into a friend and catching up. And it's nice having TiVO be put to good use again. Unfortunately for me, however, my schoolwork and real work seems to be putting a dent into that social calendar, intruding into the small amount of TV time I already have...

At the risk of sounding like a huge nerd, I'm signing this off now. (though it may already be too late).

Moving On

2008-09-02T00:56:00.003-05:00

I think it's time to change this a little bit. The last few posts have been a little depressing, especially now that I read them again. While it's good to remember certain memories for the good they may have contained at the time, my life isn't all about the down sides. There's ups and downs to everything and life is one crazy roller coaster ride.

Since the last post, things have been looking up. I got the apology I deserved and while things aren't fully back to normal yet, I am trying to be friends with the guy. I don't know if he truly deserves it or not, I don't know if I believe he wants to be friends or not, but I do like talking to him. I hate that I can't hate them, but holding grudges has never been my thing. I think I finally got closure out of the situation, and closure tends to bring me the ability to appreciate the things I've learned out of a bad situation. (this is where my being over-analytical comes into play)

I'm a lot tougher than I thought I was, I thought losing him would mean the end of my world, but no guy is worth feeling like that. I'm tough in that I can bounce back fairly quickly, just because things seem so wrong one day doesn't mean they won't be fine soon. And everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that people come into your life to teach you something, whether it be the good, the bad, or the ugly.

I am also a better person than most give me credit for. I know for a fact that there quite a few people who wouldn't forgive someone for lying as much as he had, but I do. I believe that people do deserve a second chance. If they blow it the second time, hey that's their call. But it is definitely nice to hear I'm a good person every now and again because I do try to be. And even if I'm wrong sometimes, I will try to fix it. I can be stubborn and bull-headed, but eventually I figure out what I want and what's right. Most of all, I want to change the world by making one person's day that much better. Seeing other people happy makes me happy.

Anyway, for now I'm just appreciating my life for what it is. My friends mean the world to me, as I found out Saturday they can help take me from the shittiest mood to being able to have the kind of laugh that makes you cry. I am in school and finally loving it, I like my classes and I'm prepared to take on the world it seems. I like my jobs, and I want to continue to improve and do the best I can. The tough times seem to bring out the best in me, I guess.

I don't know if any of that makes sense.. Comments?

hindsight

2008-08-31T01:41:00.003-05:00

I don't know even where to begin.

I found out a bunch of things from the past two months have been lies. It's great finally knowing where I really stood but it also is a bit more painful than I wish it were. I put a lot of myself into this thinking who I was talking to was really worth my time and instead of getting somebody trustworthy, I ended up being led on. It would have been so much easier to know about this stuff 2 months ago.

You acted like you genuinely cared, like you liked me a lot and wanted to meet me. But how can you care when all that time you were just acting like you did? And with how many lies you said. You called me babe, sent sweet messages, and treated it like we were really seriously talking. It's so ridiculous to think that in that time, you were giving someone else the same bullshit. All that time, you were telling me how much you thought one of my best friends didn't like you, and perhaps had I listened to him in the first place, I would have seen the side he saw. To top it all off, you were the one who acted like I had nothing to worry about when you told me you were friends with her. And now, after all of this, you still want to be friends. I wish it were that simple, to package up any remaining feelings I did have and stuff them away to forgive you this quickly. Real friendship takes time and a whole lot of trust. I don't know how I could fully trust you again and how long that would take. And it would mean you would have to put effort into it that I'm not sure you care enough to give.

I don't even know how to begin describing how I feel about this whole thing. Betrayed, hurt, pissed off... I just wish I could turn back time to 2 months ago and realize what he was doing. But I guess hindsight really is 20/20.

My Neverland

2008-08-25T00:42:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, what I see staring back at me isn't the face of a 24 year old.. I see someone still stuck in a fantasy land. I always think of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. In a way, I think we all want to find our Neverland. Because in Neverland, dreams always come true. Or is that Cinderella?

I remember being 10 years old, thinking of how life would be when I was finally 18 and graduating from high school. It seemed then that 18 was a really long time away and it somehow seemed like I would never get to that point. Once I hit 14 it didn't seem so far off but it was still odd thinking of what life would be like after high school. Would I go to a 4 year university and move away right away? Would I attend a local college to save money? Either way, it seemed as though the possibilities were endless.

Once I turned 18, those possibilities seemed to dwindle. The only thing I had invested much time into was my horseback riding and playing music in the school band. So the logical choice for me was spending a couple years at the local college and doing my horseback riding thing. It took some time to really figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I dabbled in teaching and journalism but nothing seemed to stick. Instead, I opted to attempt classes that I had no real interest or need for so eventually one by one they were dropped. I instead spent my time working two jobs, one for less pay than I should have gotten. I think had I spent more time concentrating on school, I could have had just a few classes to take before being able to apply to pharmacy school.

Flash forward 6 years later. Still in junior college, still trying to make it through a semester with a full load of classes. Now that I have a plan formulated, I need to bust my butt and get it done. I've seen what I would be doing otherwise and I'm tired of working for minimum wage (although now I did get a raise for being a pharmacy service associate) when I'm a lot smarter than that. I think now, too, I seem to have gained a few cheerleaders who have helped give me the push to know I can do this and believe in me. For such a pessimist, I can be such an optimist (my new leaf. I'm adopting a cup half full mentality, thanks to someone special).

So now my goal is to follow my yellow brick road to my own Neverland. Neverland in the true sense means never growing up, but I think it's more about finding your own happiness. To some, being happy means never having to grow up, to never gain the sense of adulthood that seems to come with maturity. But for me, my Neverland means growing up and accepting the changes for what they are and to be a better person. To see the silver lining in every storm cloud, and to know that everything will really be okay. And, above all, to be happy in everything I do.

Coincidentally, one of my favorite questions comes from running into someone I haven't seen in a while. It seems so simple, but in reality it is such a loaded question. "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" I always want to ask "short or long answer?" My short answer? To be happy. My long answer? Well.... you'd better grab a cup of coffee, seems like we're in for a long night..

Trying to find my way

2008-08-24T23:50:00.000-05:00

It's been quite some time since I've written anything, so this should be interesting. I just need an outlet to what I think and feel and this is probably the best way to find that release. I'm just trying to find myself, and I think maybe writing down what I think, know, and feel may just be something to help someone along too.

I'm interested in going to pharmacy school. Currently I am working on my general education requirements, which has been a 6 year process so far. Maybe it's a little less given half the time I didn't even complete all of my classes. Part of me feels I'm never going to get past this point. This halfway stage of what I want to do. Part of me also feels like once I do get this all done, I will never be able to be accepted into a pharmacy school because my GPA just isn't what it should be. These classes should have taken 3 years at the most to do but I'm still wasting my time on everything but. Maybe my fear of rejection is silently making its presence known. I am a bit scared about not making it in, but I'm tired of that being the reason why I'm not getting anywhere in my life.

I've always thought I was a good person. I have my flaws, but sometimes flaws make a person beautiful. I truly think that the most perfect people are the ones who let their flaws be heard and aren't ashamed to truly be who they are. I am a bit soft-spoken and don't let myself shine sometimes. It's been a long battle because I was always picked on a little more when I was growing up, about being overweight, being shy, and being into things that just weren't considered "cool." These days I'm learning those quirks make me who I am, and I wouldn't change that for the world. What I would like to change is how other people see me. I've been told I'm too emotional, too shy, and sometimes that all affects me more than I should let it. Finding that balance of how to accept the fact that not everyone is going to like me seems to be my current challenge.

I feel like through all of this emotional stuff I am managing to push away the first person to ever care about me in a way more than just friends. Instead of letting things be, I manage to push that button until it self-destructs. Instead of being the person he got to know and like, I turn into some raging bitch. Maybe the ultimate fear of rejection is playing its role in this as well. Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it. But somewhere I lost the fun aspect of it and started making myself seem like a pain in the ass, which I know never works. All I know is I don't want to give him a reason to give up on me and if I could change some things, I would. But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, so maybe if I can just go back to the fun person instead of letting everything bother me, I can fix this.

But in all honestly, one of my favorite things about myself is my ability to adapt. I will make an attempt to change for the better because I know life is about constantly changing. My biggest challenge is finding a way to not totally lose myself in the process, and to also not to alienate those around me. I know what I want in my life, and I'm determined to get it. Maybe someday I'll look back on this and say, "who was that girl?" Maybe I'll look back and wonder what I was thinking. But I sure as hell don't want to be sitting here five years from now wondering what if, what could have been, and what I would be doing now if things were different.

Sorry that got so long... I've had a lot on my mind and it feels super good to get it off my chest. Till next time!