I've been looking up quotes lately, mostly for Facebook status updates and such. I came across this one and it made me think (scary, I know).
Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?
-- Mary Manin Morrissey
This quote got me thinking. How many times do I hold on to one thing after it happens? Some customer yells at me (which reminds me, a retail rant post is coming soon), I talk about it for days. A friend makes a mistake, I let it fester until I burst and have to say something. How long can I go on about a friend who made the ultimate mistake - said some horrible and awful things about me and what she said got back to me. I think with me, I don't let go of things easily enough. I let it become a bigger issue, when if I just say what needs to be said, I can get over it and move on.
I guess it's just about figuring when it's best to just let it GO (to an extent- there are things I feel that should be held on to, like morals and values and if someone really did something completely nasty. Forgiveness is a gift, but only if the party is deserving). I think letting go is important in moving on but unfortunately it's hard to let go without closure.
Two years ago, I had a very close friend who said some awful things about the clothes I were and just my general appearance. I had some pretty big self confidence issues growing up, and at that point in time was a complete tomboy. Hoodies, a tee, and jeans? Yes, please! What bothered me about this was that she couldn't say it to my face. Instead she opted to say it behind my back, to a mutual "friend" (read: frienemy) who later told me. I confronted her about it, she said she wasn't the only one saying it. Long story short, we had a falling out over this. I had a hard time getting past this, I remember, mostly because I couldn't totally get my opinion out.
Later that year, I ended up running into above friend at a concert. We had some words, I said what needed to be said. I don't know if I could have let it go without that closure. Now we see each other from time to time, and while we are not close friends, we can catch up and at the very least reminisce about the old days.
Which begs the question, when is it best to just let something go and when is it okay to make a big deal of it?
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
just an update
I have much to update every one on, so here we go...
My grandmother's surgery was yesterday. My uncle has been e-mailing the family regarding her progress. The surgery itself lasted six hours and has been successful. We won't know how extensive it is until the next few days, but my parents and sister will be headed down to visit tomorrow. I am sending a card with them to let her know I'm thinking of her. I'm not sure how long they'll be gone, but they're going to help my uncle and aunt with the visitation and care. She was moved from the ICU to a regular room and has been asking to be taken on walks and wants to go quite frequently. It's safe to say she's doing well, but only time will tell how far the cancer has progressed. Thank you Lilu and For the Love of Pictures for keeping her in your prayers! :)
I ended up going to dinner tonight with a few of my friends from the barn I used to board at. One of our friends' birthdays was today, so it was nice to go out and celebrate with them. She chose Hooters, which I actually haven't been to very often. I ate a grilled chicken salad, which turned out to be very good. It was a fun evening, we talked about horses and burns, and there were many "that's what she said" moments. After dinner, I ran over to Border's because it was right across the street. I haven't been book-shopping in awhile, so I was like a kid in a candy store. The real reason I went was because I had wanted to read The Time Traveler's Wife. I also picked out an F My Life (I absolutely love that site) and a book entitled Waiter Rant. I'm excited to read all of them. I really want to see The Time Traveler's Wife, which is why I picked the book up in the first place.
We also went to see Brad Paisley last Friday night. The concert was an absolute blast, all three of the performers were amazing. Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley opened the show. I've seen Brad but neither of the two openers, so it was fun watching them perform. Luckily, by the time the show began, the rain had stopped which was great. Afterward, we went out to Denny's and got to wait an hour for food. The Denny's we go to isn't very great when it's busy. They tend to forget things and burn poached eggs which is pretty damn near impossible.
I also am picking up a few extra shifts at work for good I hope. The downside is that it means I'll probably be working 6 days a week as well as having a 10 or 11 hour day once a week. I'll get paid what I do for pharmacy even though I'll be a cashier so it's all okay.
I believe that's it for tonight. I hope everyone is having a good week!
My grandmother's surgery was yesterday. My uncle has been e-mailing the family regarding her progress. The surgery itself lasted six hours and has been successful. We won't know how extensive it is until the next few days, but my parents and sister will be headed down to visit tomorrow. I am sending a card with them to let her know I'm thinking of her. I'm not sure how long they'll be gone, but they're going to help my uncle and aunt with the visitation and care. She was moved from the ICU to a regular room and has been asking to be taken on walks and wants to go quite frequently. It's safe to say she's doing well, but only time will tell how far the cancer has progressed. Thank you Lilu and For the Love of Pictures for keeping her in your prayers! :)
I ended up going to dinner tonight with a few of my friends from the barn I used to board at. One of our friends' birthdays was today, so it was nice to go out and celebrate with them. She chose Hooters, which I actually haven't been to very often. I ate a grilled chicken salad, which turned out to be very good. It was a fun evening, we talked about horses and burns, and there were many "that's what she said" moments. After dinner, I ran over to Border's because it was right across the street. I haven't been book-shopping in awhile, so I was like a kid in a candy store. The real reason I went was because I had wanted to read The Time Traveler's Wife. I also picked out an F My Life (I absolutely love that site) and a book entitled Waiter Rant. I'm excited to read all of them. I really want to see The Time Traveler's Wife, which is why I picked the book up in the first place.
We also went to see Brad Paisley last Friday night. The concert was an absolute blast, all three of the performers were amazing. Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley opened the show. I've seen Brad but neither of the two openers, so it was fun watching them perform. Luckily, by the time the show began, the rain had stopped which was great. Afterward, we went out to Denny's and got to wait an hour for food. The Denny's we go to isn't very great when it's busy. They tend to forget things and burn poached eggs which is pretty damn near impossible.
I also am picking up a few extra shifts at work for good I hope. The downside is that it means I'll probably be working 6 days a week as well as having a 10 or 11 hour day once a week. I'll get paid what I do for pharmacy even though I'll be a cashier so it's all okay.
I believe that's it for tonight. I hope everyone is having a good week!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Say A Little Prayer..
Last week some time we found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer of the duodenum, which is, according to WebMd and the pharmacist at work, the beginning part of the small intestine.
She has been going through tests and things because I guess her hemoglobin has been low lately. She was finally diagnosed as having cancer earlier this week.
We still are not sure how serious it is, or how far along it is. But apparently she's having surgery on Monday to remove the tumor and I suppose from there we'll see how much it's affected every where else and whether they've caught it early enough.
I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm sad, yes, because I know that "C" word is one you don't want to hear at any point in your life time. I think I'm in shock still, to be honest. I'm obviously hoping it hasn't spread yet. The one good thing (if anything is, this is it) about this is knowing friends and a stepfather of a friend who have been through some sort of cancer and have turned out okay.
At any rate, please keep my grandma in your prayers. Thank you :)
She has been going through tests and things because I guess her hemoglobin has been low lately. She was finally diagnosed as having cancer earlier this week.
We still are not sure how serious it is, or how far along it is. But apparently she's having surgery on Monday to remove the tumor and I suppose from there we'll see how much it's affected every where else and whether they've caught it early enough.
I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm sad, yes, because I know that "C" word is one you don't want to hear at any point in your life time. I think I'm in shock still, to be honest. I'm obviously hoping it hasn't spread yet. The one good thing (if anything is, this is it) about this is knowing friends and a stepfather of a friend who have been through some sort of cancer and have turned out okay.
At any rate, please keep my grandma in your prayers. Thank you :)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
They Say Time Flies When You're Having Fun, But...
I can't believe it's already August. What happened to summer?? (Though I suppose since I'm taking a semester off, my summer just kind of keeps going all the way until January.)
More importantly, where does the time go? It seems like one minute you're dealing with something that causes so much pain that you're starting a blog to get it all out (like I did, last August), and the next it's already one year later and you're looking back as to when you started it. And it's funny now, because maybe it's not as big as it used to be. That hurt feeling isn't there anymore, and while I still wonder where that girl who wanted something so badly and fell flat on her face has gone, it makes me appreciate the fact that time heals everything.
A year ago, I thought I had a pretty good plan. I was talking to a guy, and although it was a long distance "relationship" (at the very least, it was complicated), there was a plan being set in motion. We would meet, and if things worked to plan, there would be moving of some sort somewhere. While I'm actually glad it didn't pan out (despite the horrible things that were said to me in the process) it did make me realize there is so much good still here for me.
And, it's fortunate that time heals everything. While there's still parts of me that misses that, the feeling of having a guy be interested in me for some point of time was fun, and though it didn't last, it makes me realize I'm not totally unlikable.
But, in any case, thank God for time. It's way too short to worry about certain things!
More importantly, where does the time go? It seems like one minute you're dealing with something that causes so much pain that you're starting a blog to get it all out (like I did, last August), and the next it's already one year later and you're looking back as to when you started it. And it's funny now, because maybe it's not as big as it used to be. That hurt feeling isn't there anymore, and while I still wonder where that girl who wanted something so badly and fell flat on her face has gone, it makes me appreciate the fact that time heals everything.
A year ago, I thought I had a pretty good plan. I was talking to a guy, and although it was a long distance "relationship" (at the very least, it was complicated), there was a plan being set in motion. We would meet, and if things worked to plan, there would be moving of some sort somewhere. While I'm actually glad it didn't pan out (despite the horrible things that were said to me in the process) it did make me realize there is so much good still here for me.
And, it's fortunate that time heals everything. While there's still parts of me that misses that, the feeling of having a guy be interested in me for some point of time was fun, and though it didn't last, it makes me realize I'm not totally unlikable.
But, in any case, thank God for time. It's way too short to worry about certain things!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Back from Wordpress. For the time being..
Hello all!
I know I've moved, but sadly I misplaced my log in info for Wordpress, so for the time being, I'm back here for the day. Which honestly, doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. I hadn't fully figured out WP, though I haven't really given it enough of a chance either. And it was depressing looking at the page view stats. I'd rather not know no one is reading than know that they aren't.
Anyway, the past few weeks at a glance:
* I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I loved it, I'll admit it's probably the best so far. What's annoying though is that there were parts of the book that should have made it into the movie because it makes sense in the later books. All in all I thought it was well done.
* I questioned how someone can take a kitten and dump it on the side of the road. I rescued a kitten on the way home from the barn one day. We had it for a few days, and while I didn't expect it to survive the night, it actually brightened a lot and took to following me around the first floor of the house. It had a fractured hind leg, and when I took it to the vet a few days after I picked it up, it ended up having some paralysis problems as far as bladder and other internal organs go. So really, my only option was to put it to sleep. It just makes me wonder how people can do that to animals.
* We ended up trading my old horse to someone in Indiana, and picked up a 4 year old gelding (read: neutered male) as a result. He's super cute, and is way more talented than the mare I had before. I'm looking forward to working with him and showing him in later months. I know my main point is to totally sell, but I figure while the economy is as bad as it is, it's really better just to hang on to him. That's him hanging out on the side there.
* I've been going out a little bit more too. It's been mostly with some coworkers of mine, but I'm really happy about it. The people I work with are extremely fun, and while we range in age, it's still very much a blast. Actually, we plan on heading out tomorrow, which makes me extremely happy!
Anyway, so that's what I've been up to for the past few weeks. Have a good weekend!!
I know I've moved, but sadly I misplaced my log in info for Wordpress, so for the time being, I'm back here for the day. Which honestly, doesn't bother me as much as it probably should. I hadn't fully figured out WP, though I haven't really given it enough of a chance either. And it was depressing looking at the page view stats. I'd rather not know no one is reading than know that they aren't.
Anyway, the past few weeks at a glance:
* I saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I loved it, I'll admit it's probably the best so far. What's annoying though is that there were parts of the book that should have made it into the movie because it makes sense in the later books. All in all I thought it was well done.
* I questioned how someone can take a kitten and dump it on the side of the road. I rescued a kitten on the way home from the barn one day. We had it for a few days, and while I didn't expect it to survive the night, it actually brightened a lot and took to following me around the first floor of the house. It had a fractured hind leg, and when I took it to the vet a few days after I picked it up, it ended up having some paralysis problems as far as bladder and other internal organs go. So really, my only option was to put it to sleep. It just makes me wonder how people can do that to animals.
* We ended up trading my old horse to someone in Indiana, and picked up a 4 year old gelding (read: neutered male) as a result. He's super cute, and is way more talented than the mare I had before. I'm looking forward to working with him and showing him in later months. I know my main point is to totally sell, but I figure while the economy is as bad as it is, it's really better just to hang on to him. That's him hanging out on the side there.
* I've been going out a little bit more too. It's been mostly with some coworkers of mine, but I'm really happy about it. The people I work with are extremely fun, and while we range in age, it's still very much a blast. Actually, we plan on heading out tomorrow, which makes me extremely happy!
Anyway, so that's what I've been up to for the past few weeks. Have a good weekend!!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Blog Relocation
Soon you will all be able to read me from a different place. I hope.
I'm trying to iron out the kinks but am considering a move over to Wordpress. I've been exploring moving there for awhile now but haven't had time to do so, until today. After importing all my blog posts over, the only thing left is to figure out how to subscribe to blogs, but I'll be keeping my Blogger account because I'm having difficulty doing so. And since I don't always use g-mail, it just seems easier to keep both so that way I can log into Blogger to read my favorite blogs.
You can find my new blog here: http://mypapertrail84.wordpress.com. Just excuse the dust as I try to figure it all out :).
I'm trying to iron out the kinks but am considering a move over to Wordpress. I've been exploring moving there for awhile now but haven't had time to do so, until today. After importing all my blog posts over, the only thing left is to figure out how to subscribe to blogs, but I'll be keeping my Blogger account because I'm having difficulty doing so. And since I don't always use g-mail, it just seems easier to keep both so that way I can log into Blogger to read my favorite blogs.
You can find my new blog here: http://mypapertrail84.wordpress.com. Just excuse the dust as I try to figure it all out :).
Saturday, July 4, 2009
4th of July (ie the most unimaginative blog title ever)
Happy 4th of July everyone!
Currently I am waiting for some friends to get here to finish helping me get everything ready for the party I was throwing tonight. Unfortunately, only about 7 can make it total (so far) but it will be nice to have people over. However, it's been a whirlwind cleaning spree, since I was supposed to start that yesterday but ended up going into work at 1 instead of 4. Which is still a bonus, considering it means extra hours for my paycheck on Thursday!
So I've been trading off cleaning and watching movies. The backyard is technically useless now anyway, because it's been raining since early this morning. Also good because the lawn mower is currently useless too, and since my dad isn't home to fix it, I have no way of mowing the lawn.
This may be the least prepared I've ever been for a party.
On a side note, everything is getting watered because of this rain, which is a bonus.
Anyway, since most of my cleaning is done, the last 20 minutes have been extremely productive. I set up coolers for water and pop, which are now inside thanks to this *awesome* weather. I also made a salad (by "made" I mean I put a bag of already-made salad and added cheese and garlic croutons) and this awesome fruit dip, which consists of marshmallow fluff and cream cheese. I also bought some cute tiki torch things for the backyard for some more light, but it looks like they won't be necessary today.
Hope you all enjoy your holiday!
Currently I am waiting for some friends to get here to finish helping me get everything ready for the party I was throwing tonight. Unfortunately, only about 7 can make it total (so far) but it will be nice to have people over. However, it's been a whirlwind cleaning spree, since I was supposed to start that yesterday but ended up going into work at 1 instead of 4. Which is still a bonus, considering it means extra hours for my paycheck on Thursday!
So I've been trading off cleaning and watching movies. The backyard is technically useless now anyway, because it's been raining since early this morning. Also good because the lawn mower is currently useless too, and since my dad isn't home to fix it, I have no way of mowing the lawn.
This may be the least prepared I've ever been for a party.
On a side note, everything is getting watered because of this rain, which is a bonus.
Anyway, since most of my cleaning is done, the last 20 minutes have been extremely productive. I set up coolers for water and pop, which are now inside thanks to this *awesome* weather. I also made a salad (by "made" I mean I put a bag of already-made salad and added cheese and garlic croutons) and this awesome fruit dip, which consists of marshmallow fluff and cream cheese. I also bought some cute tiki torch things for the backyard for some more light, but it looks like they won't be necessary today.
Hope you all enjoy your holiday!
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