Learning to Let Go

I've been looking up quotes lately, mostly for Facebook status updates and such. I came across this one and it made me think (scary, I know).

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?
-- Mary Manin Morrissey

This quote got me thinking. How many times do I hold on to one thing after it happens? Some customer yells at me (which reminds me, a retail rant post is coming soon), I talk about it for days. A friend makes a mistake, I let it fester until I burst and have to say something. How long can I go on about a friend who made the ultimate mistake - said some horrible and awful things about me and what she said got back to me. I think with me, I don't let go of things easily enough. I let it become a bigger issue, when if I just say what needs to be said, I can get over it and move on.

I guess it's just about figuring when it's best to just let it GO (to an extent- there are things I feel that should be held on to, like morals and values and if someone really did something completely nasty. Forgiveness is a gift, but only if the party is deserving). I think letting go is important in moving on but unfortunately it's hard to let go without closure.

Two years ago, I had a very close friend who said some awful things about the clothes I were and just my general appearance. I had some pretty big self confidence issues growing up, and at that point in time was a complete tomboy. Hoodies, a tee, and jeans? Yes, please! What bothered me about this was that she couldn't say it to my face. Instead she opted to say it behind my back, to a mutual "friend" (read: frienemy) who later told me. I confronted her about it, she said she wasn't the only one saying it. Long story short, we had a falling out over this. I had a hard time getting past this, I remember, mostly because I couldn't totally get my opinion out.

Later that year, I ended up running into above friend at a concert. We had some words, I said what needed to be said. I don't know if I could have let it go without that closure. Now we see each other from time to time, and while we are not close friends, we can catch up and at the very least reminisce about the old days.

Which begs the question, when is it best to just let something go and when is it okay to make a big deal of it?

just an update

I have much to update every one on, so here we go...

My grandmother's surgery was yesterday. My uncle has been e-mailing the family regarding her progress. The surgery itself lasted six hours and has been successful. We won't know how extensive it is until the next few days, but my parents and sister will be headed down to visit tomorrow. I am sending a card with them to let her know I'm thinking of her. I'm not sure how long they'll be gone, but they're going to help my uncle and aunt with the visitation and care. She was moved from the ICU to a regular room and has been asking to be taken on walks and wants to go quite frequently. It's safe to say she's doing well, but only time will tell how far the cancer has progressed. Thank you Lilu and For the Love of Pictures for keeping her in your prayers! :)

I ended up going to dinner tonight with a few of my friends from the barn I used to board at. One of our friends' birthdays was today, so it was nice to go out and celebrate with them. She chose Hooters, which I actually haven't been to very often. I ate a grilled chicken salad, which turned out to be very good. It was a fun evening, we talked about horses and burns, and there were many "that's what she said" moments. After dinner, I ran over to Border's because it was right across the street. I haven't been book-shopping in awhile, so I was like a kid in a candy store. The real reason I went was because I had wanted to read The Time Traveler's Wife. I also picked out an F My Life (I absolutely love that site) and a book entitled Waiter Rant. I'm excited to read all of them. I really want to see The Time Traveler's Wife, which is why I picked the book up in the first place.

We also went to see Brad Paisley last Friday night. The concert was an absolute blast, all three of the performers were amazing. Jimmy Wayne and Dierks Bentley opened the show. I've seen Brad but neither of the two openers, so it was fun watching them perform. Luckily, by the time the show began, the rain had stopped which was great. Afterward, we went out to Denny's and got to wait an hour for food. The Denny's we go to isn't very great when it's busy. They tend to forget things and burn poached eggs which is pretty damn near impossible.

I also am picking up a few extra shifts at work for good I hope. The downside is that it means I'll probably be working 6 days a week as well as having a 10 or 11 hour day once a week. I'll get paid what I do for pharmacy even though I'll be a cashier so it's all okay.

I believe that's it for tonight. I hope everyone is having a good week!

Say A Little Prayer..

Last week some time we found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer of the duodenum, which is, according to WebMd and the pharmacist at work, the beginning part of the small intestine.

She has been going through tests and things because I guess her hemoglobin has been low lately. She was finally diagnosed as having cancer earlier this week.

We still are not sure how serious it is, or how far along it is. But apparently she's having surgery on Monday to remove the tumor and I suppose from there we'll see how much it's affected every where else and whether they've caught it early enough.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm sad, yes, because I know that "C" word is one you don't want to hear at any point in your life time. I think I'm in shock still, to be honest. I'm obviously hoping it hasn't spread yet. The one good thing (if anything is, this is it) about this is knowing friends and a stepfather of a friend who have been through some sort of cancer and have turned out okay.

At any rate, please keep my grandma in your prayers. Thank you :)

They Say Time Flies When You're Having Fun, But...

I can't believe it's already August. What happened to summer?? (Though I suppose since I'm taking a semester off, my summer just kind of keeps going all the way until January.)

More importantly, where does the time go? It seems like one minute you're dealing with something that causes so much pain that you're starting a blog to get it all out (like I did, last August), and the next it's already one year later and you're looking back as to when you started it. And it's funny now, because maybe it's not as big as it used to be. That hurt feeling isn't there anymore, and while I still wonder where that girl who wanted something so badly and fell flat on her face has gone, it makes me appreciate the fact that time heals everything.

A year ago, I thought I had a pretty good plan. I was talking to a guy, and although it was a long distance "relationship" (at the very least, it was complicated), there was a plan being set in motion. We would meet, and if things worked to plan, there would be moving of some sort somewhere. While I'm actually glad it didn't pan out (despite the horrible things that were said to me in the process) it did make me realize there is so much good still here for me.

And, it's fortunate that time heals everything. While there's still parts of me that misses that, the feeling of having a guy be interested in me for some point of time was fun, and though it didn't last, it makes me realize I'm not totally unlikable.

But, in any case, thank God for time. It's way too short to worry about certain things!