My Neverland

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, what I see staring back at me isn't the face of a 24 year old.. I see someone still stuck in a fantasy land. I always think of Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. In a way, I think we all want to find our Neverland. Because in Neverland, dreams always come true. Or is that Cinderella?

I remember being 10 years old, thinking of how life would be when I was finally 18 and graduating from high school. It seemed then that 18 was a really long time away and it somehow seemed like I would never get to that point. Once I hit 14 it didn't seem so far off but it was still odd thinking of what life would be like after high school. Would I go to a 4 year university and move away right away? Would I attend a local college to save money? Either way, it seemed as though the possibilities were endless.

Once I turned 18, those possibilities seemed to dwindle. The only thing I had invested much time into was my horseback riding and playing music in the school band. So the logical choice for me was spending a couple years at the local college and doing my horseback riding thing. It took some time to really figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I dabbled in teaching and journalism but nothing seemed to stick. Instead, I opted to attempt classes that I had no real interest or need for so eventually one by one they were dropped. I instead spent my time working two jobs, one for less pay than I should have gotten. I think had I spent more time concentrating on school, I could have had just a few classes to take before being able to apply to pharmacy school.

Flash forward 6 years later. Still in junior college, still trying to make it through a semester with a full load of classes. Now that I have a plan formulated, I need to bust my butt and get it done. I've seen what I would be doing otherwise and I'm tired of working for minimum wage (although now I did get a raise for being a pharmacy service associate) when I'm a lot smarter than that. I think now, too, I seem to have gained a few cheerleaders who have helped give me the push to know I can do this and believe in me. For such a pessimist, I can be such an optimist (my new leaf. I'm adopting a cup half full mentality, thanks to someone special).

So now my goal is to follow my yellow brick road to my own Neverland. Neverland in the true sense means never growing up, but I think it's more about finding your own happiness. To some, being happy means never having to grow up, to never gain the sense of adulthood that seems to come with maturity. But for me, my Neverland means growing up and accepting the changes for what they are and to be a better person. To see the silver lining in every storm cloud, and to know that everything will really be okay. And, above all, to be happy in everything I do.

Coincidentally, one of my favorite questions comes from running into someone I haven't seen in a while. It seems so simple, but in reality it is such a loaded question. "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" I always want to ask "short or long answer?" My short answer? To be happy. My long answer? Well.... you'd better grab a cup of coffee, seems like we're in for a long night..