I'm Just Not Good Enough

One of my biggest fears is manifesting itself now in the sense of just not living up to certain standards, some of which I impose on myself unnecessarily. My own brand of a pessimistic outlook, my friends...

I'm just not good enough.

I'm not really positive Pharmacy is the right path for me any more. I think I may have made a mistake, because it seems like I can't even handle being a technician. What am I going to do when all the responsibility is on ME? Then I really can't hide anymore. Everything would fall on me, and what if I'm not good enough then? What if I'm never really good enough at anything? What do I do then?

If not Pharmacy, what the hell am I supposed to do with my life? I've already spent enough time and money in college, and I haven't gone much further than junior college. True, there have been some on and off years and now I'm limited to taking only a few courses a semester because I have to work nearly full time as well to pay for the things I need and want.

I just need to work harder, I guess.

I don't want to be just a face in the crowd. I want to be somebody.

I wish the career outlook was the only place I feel inadequate about. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I don't want to be this 24 year old living in my parent's house, still attending junior college, still not clear about the future. By this point, I had hoped to find myself. Looks like I have some work to do there too.